IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be share freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
In recent decades, with the growth in the scientific and academic worlds, sharing what kind of information for free in various fields is a matter of debate.
As a result
, there are two schools of thought in
this
 regard. One asserts that all data should be released freely for people,
while
 others claim that some info is vital to share without any payment. Both of these attitudes will be discussed in
this
 essay
in addition
 to mine. Primarily, researchers should know that sharing whatever they reach with others can provide new ideas on that topic, and
as a result
, the speed of innovation on it is increased.
For instance
, fast progression in some fields
such
 as physics or medicine, can influence people's lives directly.
Secondly
, all individuals who work in a specific field including experts or beginners, are able to comprehend an idea,
consequently
, they will improve the idea owing to frequent feedback.
On the other hand
, some information can be utilized in the wrong way.
For example
, some fields
such
 as chemistry or mechanics are too dangerous if they have been used for making guns or bombs.
Moreover
, it is an undeniable fact that some companies spend a lot of money to obtain valuable info
that is
 necessary for their work and brands, without which, they will not be able to compete with others.
For instance
, mobile phone companies
such
 as Apple and Samsung, spend a lot of money to bring the latest knowledge
as a consequence
, they try to personalize these data. In conclusion, concerning what has been discussed above, I personally believe that some information is crucial we cannot share for free.
Submitted by abolfazlmgr on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure each paragraph follows logically from one to the next. Use clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Though your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, make them more impactful by directly addressing the essay question in your conclusion, summarizing your main points and stating your opinion more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples. Clear, specific examples will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Your response answers the task but could be improved by fully addressing both views equally before providing your own opinion. Ensure your opinion is clearly stated and supported.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas to ensure comprehensive understanding. Each paragraph should explore a unique idea in depth, with examples to support.
task achievement
To bolster your argument, include more specific examples related to scientific research, business, and the academic world. Tailor these examples to directly support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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