IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that successful sports teams are always those with the strongest or fittest players. Others think that success depends more on the team’s mental strength. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #teams #players #success #team’s #strength
One
 of the highly controversial
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 today relates to whether
success
Add an article
the success
show examples
 of sports
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
strongest
Correct article usage
the strongest
show examples
players
 or on
team's
Correct article usage
the team's
show examples
 mental strength. In
this
 essay, I am going to examine
this
 question from both points of view and
then
giving
Change the form of the verb
give
show examples
 my opinion on the matter.
One
 school of thought holds that the sports teams
consists
Change the verb form
consist
show examples
 of fit and healthy
players
always
Correct pronoun usage
who always
show examples
 win the trophy. The main reason for
beliving
Correct your spelling
believing
show examples
this
 is that if
players
 have good fitness
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 and
full
Add a missing verb
are full
show examples
 of energy have much stamina to play the
match
 with focus and
determined
Correct article usage
a determined
show examples
 mind.
one
 good illustration of
this
 is
: The
Correct your spelling
that the
renowed
Correct your spelling
retired
 cricketer Virat Kohli always
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 most of his time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doind
Correct your spelling
doing
 exercise, meditation and yoga so that he
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 focus on every angle meanwhile playing cricket. Another point supported by them is that
unhelathy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 and weak
players
 never stay longer time in the game field, he/she will lose the
match
at the end
.
Last
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least,
players
 who have improper
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
, having serious
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
 as asthma,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
never become the reason for successive
team
 series. On the flip side, other sections of society claim that
success
Correct article usage
the success
show examples
 of any
team
 totally
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on their mindful strategies. The strong positive side
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 that if there is no strategy made by a
team
 ,
then
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 chances of becoming triumphant
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be losing during the
match
. A
particular
Change the adjective
particularly
show examples
 good example here is , a survey
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
show examples
 been conducted in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 USA
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2 years ago ,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which stated that
success
rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
 on the
mind
Replace the word
mental
show examples
startegy
Correct your spelling
strategy
 or mental strength of a player or a
team
. Another reason for
this
 opinion is playing
game
Correct article usage
a game
show examples
 by following
footsteps
Correct article usage
the footsteps
show examples
 of any strategy by using own
minds
Fix the agreement mistake
mind
show examples
 and skills,
one
 could win the
match
 in a short period . As a
resuly
Correct your spelling
result
, everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to play games
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own mind to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
 in an
effecive
Correct your spelling
effective
 way. In conclusion, after analyzing both sides of
this
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
, I think that both these views have their merits. On balance,
however
, it is felt that, whether
success
Add an article
the success
show examples
 of a
team
 depends not only on fit and healthy
players
 but
also
rely
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on their mindful strength
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by deepnimrat553 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider enhancing the clarity of your main points by directly linking them back to the question throughout your essay. This will ensure that your argument remains focused and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and to improve sentence structure for greater clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. While you've made a good start, there's room to further strengthen the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing. This can also showcase your language skills more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets up the essay well by clearly presenting the topic and indicating that both sides of the argument will be discussed.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the mention of Virat Kohli, to support your arguments.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarises your discussion and presents a balanced view based on the preceding arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: