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Writing Samples /
Band 8

For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #children #teachers #influence #intelligence #development #parents
In
this
 contemporary era, teenagers learn from different resources. It is a controversial issue whether pedagogues have more influence on offspring for their aspiration and social enhancement
whereas
, some believe that
parents
 have a substantial
role
 over their
children
. From my perspective, I disagree with
this
 statement and the reasons are mentioned in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, Progenitors play a dominant
role
 in bringing up their social skills as they are the first contact in their lives. Juveniles spend only limited time at school and most of their leisure time at home.
This
 helps them to learn numerous activities and to interact with family members.
For Instance
, a study of research at the University of British Columbia showed that around 90% of
children
's upbringing is dependent on their guardians who prefer to raise them with proper attention and care.
Thus
, It demonstrates that
parents
 have more control over schoolchildren's cognitive rather than tutors.
Secondly
, youngsters develop their skills through socioeconomic development. To illustrate,
children
 emulate their mothers and fathers more than their teachers in school.
This
 is an integral part of where toddlers belong to. The more polished and educated the family is, the more knowledgeable and friendly attitude the
children
 possess. they follow in their footsteps and cooperate with others.
For Instance
, studies have shown that 85% of aggressive heirs are inherited from either an aggressive father or Mother.
Hence
, it indicates that
parents
 have more power over preschool
children
 than preceptors.
Overall
, it states that
parents
 play a predominant
role
 in enhancing the social skills of their
children
.
Although
 teachers play a vital
role
 in educating and socializing
children
, guardians have a substantial impact on
children
's social development.
Submitted by athulyaraj0011 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument, effectively addressing the topic. To strengthen your stance further, consider integrating more diversified examples from a range of sources.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your logical structure and cohesion are commendable. However, enhancing the use of cohesive devices and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas could elevate your essay.
General
Be mindful of maintaining a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid colloquial phrases that might detract from the academic quality of your writing.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, providing a clear stance on the subject.
Evidence
The use of specific examples, such as the University of British Columbia study, significantly strengthens your points and task response.
Understanding
Your essay thoughtfully addresses the prompt, demonstrating understanding and analysis of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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