In some parts of the world , many famous people are regarded as 'role models' and they are having an increasing on the youth Is that a positive or negative developments

These days, many

celebrities

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are becoming

role

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models

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for young generations.

While

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this

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can help them find inspiration and motivation, it can

also

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play a negative

role

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in a loss of individualism. On the one hand, the increasing impact of

role

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models

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is considered positive. Many indecisive youngsters can learn from the career paths of

celebrities

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and find their own inspiration and motivation.

As a result

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, they will try harder to achieve success as

role

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models

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For example

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, Hugh Jackman is a

role

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model for many teenagers. Through his career, many teenagers were inspired and dedicated themselves to various fields,

such

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as acting and entrepreneurship.

Thus

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this

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development could be considered positive.

On the other hand

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this

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development has a negative

role

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Firstly

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this

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can lead to the loss of cultural values. Many young people want to become like Korean or American pop stars.

Secondly

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, because of

this

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development, many youngsters can lose their individuality by convincing themselves of the personalities of their

role

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models

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Thirdly

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, some

celebrities

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could promote unhealthy habits and unrealistic standards, leading to low self-esteem and poor decision-making.

For instance

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, the rate of plastic surgery has increased since 2017, after many

celebrities

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promoted it.

Therefore

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, the impact that

celebrities

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have on teenagers can affect them in many aspects. In conclusion,

although

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many famous people are regarded as

role

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models

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, their influence could be negative, like a loss of individualism and cultural values.

However

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this

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could play a positive

role

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too, by inspiring and helping personal growth.

May 21, 2024

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task achievement

There is room for further improvement to strengthen the task achievement. Try to elaborate more on your examples, and ensure they directly relate to the points you are making.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has good organization, work on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and provide a solid framework for the essay.

task achievement

Your points are generally clear and comprehensive, making it easy to understand your viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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In some parts of the world , many famous people are regarded as 'role models' and they are having an increasing on the youth Is that a positive or negative developments

Many scientific institutes conduct research on live animals. Some people regard it as cruel and unnecessary while others believe it is justified in the interest of human welfare. Discuss the two views and give your reasons. Give reason for your answer.

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As water is valuable resource, governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?