IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that advertising may have positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because advertising makes individuals less satisfied with what they are and have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is controversial whether advertising provides positive or negative
effects
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 to our
society
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. In
this
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 essay, we are going to discuss both views and converge on one opinion. Some people claim that advertising could improve to economic cycle work better. By nudging people to consume
products
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, the flow of money could be activated.
Companies
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 could earn financial benefits
as a result
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 of the
advertisement
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 and could invest to improve
products
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. Regarding the possibility of success, even small
companies
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 have the opportunity to grow.
Therefore
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, advertisements could provide positive
effects
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 to our
society
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 and make a virtuous cycle too.
On the other hand
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, advertisements could be exaggerated
due to
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 the competitive atmosphere in the market economy.
Companies
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 could only emphasize the good parts of the product to stand out among other
products
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.
Moreover
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, they might include some lies or word plays to avoid restrictions. Consumers will pay for sugar-coated lies and regret them because of their exaggerated features.
Also
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, some of the
companies
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 encourage anxiety to make the effectiveness of advertising.
This
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 not only makes individuals less satisfied but
also
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 causes overconsumption. People would buy the
products
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 expecting the result that has been explained in the
advertisement
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.
To sum up
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, it is obvious that advertisements could have positive
effects
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 on economic
society
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due to
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 their effective encouragement of consumption.
However
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, with the point of view that advertising could lead to overconsumption and exaggerated
advertisement
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, I think there are more negative
effects
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 on modern
society
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. Certain criteria and restrictions must be discussed, to improve individual satisfaction and prevent false
advertisement
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.

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detail
Your essay presents a well-balanced discussion on the impacts of advertising, offering insights into both positive and negative aspects. To enhance task achievement, consider integrating more specific examples to substantiate your arguments further. Concrete examples can enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
structure
The structure of your essay is clear and logical, facilitating easy comprehension. To further improve coherence and cohesion, vary your sentence structures and use transitional phrases to seamlessly connect ideas across paragraphs. This will enrich the flow of your writing.
introduction conclusion
You have provided a comprehensive introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the essay's aim and your personal stance. This sharp focus is commendable and grabs the reader's attention.
balance
Your discussion acknowledges both sides of the argument, reflecting a thorough understanding of the essay topic. This balanced approach is crucial for a high score in task achievement.
cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with each paragraph dedicated to a particular viewpoint. This clarity enhances the overall coherence and cohesion of your work.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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