some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

#people #animals #zoos #entertainment

Some individuals think that it is unacceptable to keep wild

animals

cooped up in

zoos

while

other

people

argue that

zoos

are both

enterainment

Correct your spelling

entertainment

and

ecological

Change the adjective

ecologically

show examples

important.

While

some individuals believe that

zoos

are

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

entertainment because they can have

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

time watching wild

animals

, I believe it is totally wrong to keep wild

animals

coped

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

zoos

because they need to be free in the wild with

Fix the agreement mistake

other

show examples

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

wild

animals

as well. On the one hand, many

people

think that

zoos

are great places to have fun with family because they can take hundreds of pictures and enjoy watching

animals

inside the cage.

Firstly

, they believe that these

animals

are well treated by zookeepers and that there is nothing to worry about

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. Another thing is that

people

love to feed

animals

and sometimes touch them as a unique experience, and they think it is

worthy

Replace the word

worth

show examples

to visit

Change the verb form

visiting

show examples

zoos

because of

this

For instance

, in The United States, San Diego Zoo, thousands and thousands of

people

visit these

zoos

to have a great time with their children and they are eager to touch wild

animals

or wave them.

However

, I think

this

totally

Add an article

the totally

a totally

show examples

wrong way of thinking because

animals

deserve to live in a free environment.

On the other hand

, the vast majority of individuals believe that it is

unaceptable

Correct your spelling

unacceptable

to keep

animals

cooped up because they need to run and play with other wild

animals

as well.

To begin

with, if they do not feel free, they might get depressed or sick because they need to run freely. Another thing is that they need to

develope

Correct your spelling

develop

their wild skills with other

animals

completing

Change the form of the verb

complete

show examples

their circle of life because they need to search for food. To illustrate

this

, on television, Discovery

channel

Capitalize word

Channel

show examples

express

Correct subject-verb agreement

expresses

show examples

the importance

for

Change preposition

show examples

wild

animlas

Correct your spelling

animals

to live freely in the wild, and enhance how crucial is

this

for their survival skills and the importance

to run

Change preposition

of running

show examples

every day for their

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

show examples

. I strongly believe

this

is a much better way to enjoy

animals

without hurting them by putting them in a cage.

To conclude

although

many

people

wrongly believe

zoos

are for entertainment and have

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

time with their family, I strongly believe

this

Correct article usage

the

show examples

wrong way to enjoy wild

animals

, and it is much better to put them in the forest, so they can live

freelly

Correct your spelling

freely

, and preserve their wild skills.

Submitted by cuevas14dic on Fri Apr 19 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

Try to expand your ideas with more specific examples that support your points. This helps strengthen your argument and makes your essay more convincing.

Coherence & Cohesion

While your essay shows good coherence and cohesion, varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words could enhance readability and flow.

Task Achievement

Ensure your introduction explicitly mentions that you will discuss both views before stating your own position. This approach helps clarify the structure of your essay from the beginning.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've done well to organize your essay clearly with an introduction, body paragraphs each discussing a different viewpoint, and a conclusion. This structure is effective for the reader.

Task Achievement

Providing a personal opinion alongside discussing both views allows for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

401 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replaced humans in the workplace? Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?
There is regardable change in the workplace because humans are being replaced by modern robots and artificial intelligence. This essay aims to explain reasons for the mentioned tendency and its positive impacts on society.
5.5
band
The best way to solve the world’s environmental problem is to increase the cost of fossil fuel. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that the vital way to tackle the global environmental issue is to push up petrol, oil, and natural gas. While I agree that this method could solve temporarily in the short-term, I personally encourage raising people's awareness for the long term.
4.5
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It has been a long debate whether students should learn other subjects other than their main ones or should they just put their mind on one subject in order to get a qualification. While both opinions have their supporting arguments, I think that it is better for students to learn as many things as possible.
7.5
band
Nowdays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?
Nowadays most people are working extra hours at the cost of their mental and physical health, to make both ends meet. This is mainly attributed to the global recession noticed post-pandemic, resulting in lowered salaries and raised insecurity among workers about their job stability. This essay will further explain these reasons and discuss how nurturing a healthy work environment and an empathetic approach by organizational management can help reduce this stress among employees.
6.5
band
Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is an ongoing debate about which one has a more important role in teaching children about having a healthy diet, School or parents? While some people contend that children should be encouraged to have a healthy diet through school lessons, I believe that parents play a more crucial role in this matter and I will elaborate on my opinion.

some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

Your opinion

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replaced humans in the workplace? Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problem is to increase the cost of fossil fuel. Do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowdays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?

Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.