some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

#people #animals #zoos #entertainment

Some individuals think that it is unacceptable to keep wild

animals

cooped up in

zoos

while

other

people

argue that

zoos

are both

enterainment

Correct your spelling

entertainment

and

ecological

Change the adjective

ecologically

show examples

important.

While

some individuals believe that

zoos

are

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

entertainment because they can have

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

time watching wild

animals

, I believe it is totally wrong to keep wild

animals

coped

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

zoos

because they need to be free in the wild with

Fix the agreement mistake

other

show examples

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

wild

animals

as well. On the one hand, many

people

think that

zoos

are great places to have fun with family because they can take hundreds of pictures and enjoy watching

animals

inside the cage.

Firstly

, they believe that these

animals

are well treated by zookeepers and that there is nothing to worry about

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. Another thing is that

people

love to feed

animals

and sometimes touch them as a unique experience, and they think it is

worthy

Replace the word

worth

show examples

to visit

Change the verb form

visiting

show examples

zoos

because of

this

For instance

, in The United States, San Diego Zoo, thousands and thousands of

people

visit these

zoos

to have a great time with their children and they are eager to touch wild

animals

or wave them.

However

, I think

this

totally

Add an article

the totally

a totally

show examples

wrong way of thinking because

animals

deserve to live in a free environment.

On the other hand

, the vast majority of individuals believe that it is

unaceptable

Correct your spelling

unacceptable

to keep

animals

cooped up because they need to run and play with other wild

animals

as well.

To begin

with, if they do not feel free, they might get depressed or sick because they need to run freely. Another thing is that they need to

develope

Correct your spelling

develop

their wild skills with other

animals

completing

Change the form of the verb

complete

show examples

their circle of life because they need to search for food. To illustrate

this

, on television, Discovery

channel

Capitalize word

Channel

show examples

express

Correct subject-verb agreement

expresses

show examples

the importance

for

Change preposition

show examples

wild

animlas

Correct your spelling

animals

to live freely in the wild, and enhance how crucial is

this

for their survival skills and the importance

to run

Change preposition

of running

show examples

every day for their

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

show examples

. I strongly believe

this

is a much better way to enjoy

animals

without hurting them by putting them in a cage.

To conclude

although

many

people

wrongly believe

zoos

are for entertainment and have

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

time with their family, I strongly believe

this

Correct article usage

the

show examples

wrong way to enjoy wild

animals

, and it is much better to put them in the forest, so they can live

freelly

Correct your spelling

freely

, and preserve their wild skills.

Submitted by cuevas14dic on Fri Apr 19 2024

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Task Achievement

Try to expand your ideas with more specific examples that support your points. This helps strengthen your argument and makes your essay more convincing.

Coherence & Cohesion

While your essay shows good coherence and cohesion, varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words could enhance readability and flow.

Task Achievement

Ensure your introduction explicitly mentions that you will discuss both views before stating your own position. This approach helps clarify the structure of your essay from the beginning.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've done well to organize your essay clearly with an introduction, body paragraphs each discussing a different viewpoint, and a conclusion. This structure is effective for the reader.

Task Achievement

Providing a personal opinion alongside discussing both views allows for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

401 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

Your opinion

Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to important people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by International fast food. Many people think that it is good to eat traditional foods while other believe that fast food is a good choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.