In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #education #jobs

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It is said that

adults

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all over the globe who already graduated or even found their careers still choose to live with their

parents

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instead

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of living independently. From the writer's point of view ,

this

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trend brings more benefits including lower rate of

pressure

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and ensuring elderly

health

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than the drawback of family conflicts. the most advantageous factor of living with

parents

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is less stress about the economy. To break it down even

further

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, young

adults

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who lack life experience will get under

pressure

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easily because of the influence of various responsibilities surrounding them

such

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as healthcare fees or cost of living .With the rising cost of housing in many countries ,

adults

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will not only be under

pressure

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of dealing

Change preposition

to deal

show examples

with accommodation but

also

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get depressed from maintaining their lives.

By contrast

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, if young

adults

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live with their family, their

parents

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can significantly reduce their living expenses and it will allow the

adults

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to save money

as well as

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feel less

pressure

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about economic problems to concentrate on their jobs. elderly care is another point worth considering. Simply put, as

parents

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grow older, they may require daily assistance towards their

health

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. By living together in one house , young

adults

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can easily help and take care of the elderly's

health

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condition .

Moreover

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, living together enables

adults

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to provide direct support to any emergencies or unexpected

health

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issues ,ensuring that their

parents

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receive attention whenever they need it.

Consequently

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this

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pattern strengthens family support and enhances the quality of life for elderly

parents

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by promoting their physical

as well as

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mental

health

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By contrast

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, some public believe that internal conflicts will happen when young

adults

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live with their families.

Further

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explaining , differences in lifestyle and personal opinion can lead to misunderstandings between members of the household .

However

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, the circumstance of conflict only appears if young

adults

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can not control their emotions or personalities when they communicate with the elderly .For someone who has the ability to deal with harsh conversations

instead

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of anger,

this

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problem can be overcome . In conclusion , despite the drawback of fighting between members of the family, living with

parents

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will bring more merits when it comes to economic

pressure

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and elderly healthcare.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Fri Jun 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure to capitalize the first letter in the beginning of the sentences and proper nouns for better readability and grammatical correctness.

task achievement

Incorporate more specific examples and statistics to strengthen your arguments. For example, provide data or demographics that support how living with parents can reduce economic pressures.

task achievement

Try to provide a balanced view by elaborating more on the potential disadvantages. This will show a deeper analysis of the topic and better understanding.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the transitions between paragraphs so that the essay flows more smoothly. This will enhance the readability and logical structuring of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Always ensure your thesis statement clearly outlines the advantages and disadvantages to make your position unmistakable from the start.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making your overall argument easy to follow.

task achievement

The response addresses the task effectively with a focus on both advantages and disadvantages.

coherence cohesion

The main points are fairly well supported with relevant arguments related to economic pressures and elderly care.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

374 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cohabitation
intergenerational living
self-sufficiency
financial stability
maturation
dependency
socio-economic factors
familial dynamics
personal autonomy
housing affordability
cultural expectations
life trajectory
emotional resilience
nuclear family
joint family system
economic prudence
privacy concerns
social stigma

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In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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CEOs and executives should be paid the same salary as an average worker in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some think scientists should be allowed to send messages into space to communicate with other life forms while others believe this is too dangerous. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.