In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is said that
adults
all over the globe who already graduated or even found their careers still choose to live with their parents
instead
of living independently. From the writer's point of view , this
trend brings more benefits including lower rate of pressure
and ensuring elderly health
than the drawback of family conflicts.
the most advantageous factor of living with parents
is less stress about the economy. To break it down even further
, young adults
who lack life experience will get under pressure
easily because of the influence of various responsibilities surrounding them such
as healthcare fees or cost of living .With the rising cost of housing in many countries , adults
will not only be under pressure
of dealing
with accommodation but Change preposition
to deal
also
get depressed from maintaining their lives. By contrast
, if young adults
live with their family, their parents
can significantly reduce their living expenses and it will allow the adults
to save money as well as
feel less pressure
about economic problems to concentrate on their jobs.
elderly care is another point worth considering. Simply put, as parents
grow older, they may require daily assistance towards their health
. By living together in one house , young adults
can easily help and take care of the elderly's health
condition . Moreover
, living together enables adults
to provide direct support to any emergencies or unexpected health
issues ,ensuring that their parents
receive attention whenever they need it. Consequently
, this
pattern strengthens family support and enhances the quality of life for elderly parents
by promoting their physical as well as
mental health
.
By contrast
, some public believe that internal conflicts will happen when young adults
live with their families. Further
explaining , differences in lifestyle and personal opinion can lead to misunderstandings between members of the household . However
, the circumstance of conflict only appears if young adults
can not control their emotions or personalities when they communicate with the elderly .For someone who has the ability to deal with harsh conversations instead
of anger, this
problem can be overcome .
In conclusion , despite the drawback of fighting between members of the family, living with parents
will bring more merits when it comes to economic pressure
and elderly healthcare.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure to capitalize the first letter in the beginning of the sentences and proper nouns for better readability and grammatical correctness.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and statistics to strengthen your arguments. For example, provide data or demographics that support how living with parents can reduce economic pressures.
task achievement
Try to provide a balanced view by elaborating more on the potential disadvantages. This will show a deeper analysis of the topic and better understanding.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between paragraphs so that the essay flows more smoothly. This will enhance the readability and logical structuring of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Always ensure your thesis statement clearly outlines the advantages and disadvantages to make your position unmistakable from the start.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making your overall argument easy to follow.
task achievement
The response addresses the task effectively with a focus on both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The main points are fairly well supported with relevant arguments related to economic pressures and elderly care.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example