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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing for example through cell phone tracking and security cameras. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages.

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases #development
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to control what
people
 are telling and doing
for example
 through actions tracking on the internet and safety cameras. In many cases, the
people
 clash with blackmailing. I think monitoring
people
, is a very big disadvantage.Because anyone does not like when after they go control.And it might cross all boundaries,
for example
,
people
 who used to monitor, can still
information
Add a missing verb
have information
show examples
 about the president and use
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 person
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 the most control.In my opinion, rich
people
 mostly clash with it, ordinary
people
 in the main do not clash with it.Because of
this
 in my opinion the advantages of
this
 development outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by kooper507 on

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Structure
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion for better structure.
Support
Use more specific examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing.
Content
Expand on how technology monitors people and discuss both the advantages and disadvantages more evenly for a balanced argument.
Expression
Avoid repetition and aim for clearer expression of ideas for better coherence.
Topic Understanding
You've tackled a complex and relevant topic, showing an understanding of the important concerns related to technology's role in surveillance.
Originality
You've presented a unique perspective on the issue, contributing to a diverse discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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