IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are moving from rural areas to live in cities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #areas #cities
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Nowadays, many
people
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 who live in rural
areas
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 are choosing to move to
cities
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. The main reason for
this
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 trend is the lack of job
opportunities
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 in rural
areas
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, compared to the more diverse employment options available in
cities
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.
Firstly
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,
life
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 in rural
areas
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 tends to be less dynamic;
people
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 often find themselves doing the same tasks each day, which can feel repetitive.
On the other hand
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,
city
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life
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 offers a wide range of activities, ensuring there’s always something new to experience.
Additionally
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,
cities
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 provide more
opportunities
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 for volunteering, which is especially important for teenagers. Engaging in volunteer work helps us develop new skills and gain experience that might be harder to find in smaller communities. For adults as well, working in the
city
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 is often financially advantageous, as
city
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 jobs tend to offer better salaries than those in rural
areas
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. To encourage
people
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 to stay in rural
areas
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, a solution could be to create more job
opportunities
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 with competitive pay. Improved infrastructure could
also
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 make rural
areas
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 more appealing. Adding cafes, local supermarkets, and entertainment options for young
people
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,
for example
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, would make these towns more attractive and provide a better quality of
life
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. In conclusion, our generation often views
city
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life
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 as offering more
opportunities
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, variety, and comfort compared to rural
areas
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. Without significant improvements in rural communities,
people
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 will likely continue to move to
cities
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 in search of a better lifestyle.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
To enhance the task response, consider providing more specific examples or data to support your points, especially in discussing solutions to keep people in rural areas. This will strengthen your argument and show a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a good logical flow, varying your sentence structures could improve readability and engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph links to the next more smoothly to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed the task by identifying reasons why people move to cities and proposing solutions to counteract this trend.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay and make your main arguments clear and concise.
coherence cohesion
Each point in your essay is supported well with reasoning, and you effectively discuss both problems and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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