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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more people are moving from rural areas to live in cities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #areas #cities
Nowadays, many
people
 who live in rural
areas
 are choosing to move to
cities
. The main reason for
this
 trend is the lack of job
opportunities
 in rural
areas
, compared to the more diverse employment options available in
cities
.
Firstly
,
life
 in rural
areas
 tends to be less dynamic;
people
 often find themselves doing the same tasks each day, which can feel repetitive.
On the other hand
,
city
life
 offers a wide range of activities, ensuring there’s always something new to experience.
Additionally
,
cities
 provide more
opportunities
 for volunteering, which is especially important for teenagers. Engaging in volunteer work helps us develop new skills and gain experience that might be harder to find in smaller communities. For adults as well, working in the
city
 is often financially advantageous, as
city
 jobs tend to offer better salaries than those in rural
areas
. To encourage
people
 to stay in rural
areas
, a solution could be to create more job
opportunities
 with competitive pay. Improved infrastructure could
also
 make rural
areas
 more appealing. Adding cafes, local supermarkets, and entertainment options for young
people
,
for example
, would make these towns more attractive and provide a better quality of
life
. In conclusion, our generation often views
city
life
 as offering more
opportunities
, variety, and comfort compared to rural
areas
. Without significant improvements in rural communities,
people
 will likely continue to move to
cities
 in search of a better lifestyle.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
To enhance the task response, consider providing more specific examples or data to support your points, especially in discussing solutions to keep people in rural areas. This will strengthen your argument and show a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a good logical flow, varying your sentence structures could improve readability and engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph links to the next more smoothly to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed the task by identifying reasons why people move to cities and proposing solutions to counteract this trend.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay and make your main arguments clear and concise.
coherence cohesion
Each point in your essay is supported well with reasoning, and you effectively discuss both problems and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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