IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ownknowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 day and age, the ever-increasing life expectations of human beings and their desire to lead a higher quality life tend to make them more
risk
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-taker person compared to
people
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 in the past. It is a commonly held idea that it might have hindrances to run a serious
risk
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, but I believe that taking small bets is a necessity to achieve your goals; attempting to outline some key reasons for
this
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. By taking a foolish
risk
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, individuals may sacrifice their lives or assets
as well as
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 experience dangerous psychological side effects. Having a stressful lifestyle, many are voracious enough to reach their ambitions, most of whom will be defeated, as making rational decisions in difficult conditions is bound to be way more complicated.
For example
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, those working in online trade marketing, buying and selling shares of the companies, or those trading in the cryptocurrency market, who invest in valueless coins (so-called shit coins) end up losing their money.
Furthermore
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, tolerating so much stress would have negative effects on their behaviour, making them treat aggressively with
people
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 in their vicinity.
As a result
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, a lack of experience and knowledge can lead to losing
risk
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 takers' wealth, and at the same time, it might negatively affect their psychological well-being.
On the other hand
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, individuals would absolutely benefit from taking a
risk
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 if it was a calculated one. Provided that individuals have adequate knowledge, by reading the content on the internet, books or taking advice from knowledgable
people
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, they can reach their aims gradually. It is undeniable that taking risks in order to earn more money, better job opportunities to make a competitive salary and studying in the best universities is required
due to
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 the huge competition among society members, at present.
For instance
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, so as to be accepted to be educated in high-rank universities, students should sacrifice their spare time and devote it to studying to prepare for the entrance exam.
To conclude
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, to gain happiness and success, taking calculated risks is unavoidable.
To sum up
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, it is true that taking blind risks could put
people
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 on the verge of losing their
possession
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possessions
show examples
, and
also
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 can have drawbacks on their
brain
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brains
show examples
as a consequence
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 of the stress they bear.
Nevertheless
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, it is a necessary evil to
risk
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 in
this
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 era
due to
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 significant competition between a myriad of
people
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 in a community to grab your aims and a calculated way would be the solution in order to avoid the intricacies.

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What works well

3
content

Your essay presents thoughtful arguments on the importance of taking risks, showing a good understanding of the topic.

examples

You effectively use examples to support your points, making your argument more persuasive.

structure

The organization of your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, contributes significantly to its readability and coherence.

Improvement Suggestions

4
structure

Continue to structure your essays with clear introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions to maintain a high level of coherence and cohesion.

clarity

Enhance clarity by varying sentence structure and using transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs.

examples

Ensure that examples are clearly linked to your main points and develop each of them further for a stronger argument.

language

Review and refine your use of complex grammar and vocabulary to avoid minor inaccuracies that can distract from your overall message.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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