IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is common for the elderly to relocate to retirement homes where they can be assisted and taken care of by nurses and other medical professionals. These establishments,
however
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, are not free and someone must pay for them. In some cases, the family will make said contribution. Other times, it is the state who must pay for
this
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 care. Since not every senior has a family who can afford these expenses, I think it is a good idea for the authorities to take over when necessary. Many families, look into sending their seniors to retirement houses since once they reach a certain age they are more likely to suffer from a mental or physical illness.
For example
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, it is quite common when old to develop Alzheimer's or have a reduced ability to move. In these cases, regular assistance is required to prevent injuries and perform daily tasks. Ideally, it should be the family who pays for the nursing home. Unfortunately,
due to
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 the high cost of these residences not all families are capable of doing so. It is in these cases where the government should step in and either help finance a percentage or the total of the expenses, depending on each case. After all, the people in need of
this
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 care are retired workers who have contributed to financing politics by paying taxes for many years. Take
for instance
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 a construction worker who has spent their whole life doing physically demanding work
that is
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 key to the development of the city or town where he lives. When retired he or she will most likely suffer the consequences of their hard work. It is only fair that they receive a little bit of help when in need. In conclusion, both the government and the family should be willing to pay for nursing homes for the elderly.
Firstly
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, it is the family who should take charge of the expenses if able to do so. If they are not able to afford it, the state must offer them financial help or take over completely.

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coherence cohesion
Work on further developing the logical structure of your essay. A clear and robust structure with well-defined paragraphs will enhance the coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Try to elaborate more on the conclusion so it summarizes all of the major points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your argument.
task achievement
While you have offered explanations and examples, strive to include a wider range of specific examples to strengthen your main points, which will support the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses the prompt with a balanced discussion on both views before reaching your conclusion.
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