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Band 4.5

Competition for university is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development?

#competition #university #universities #development
In
the
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apply
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modern
time
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times
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, more universities become more and more competitive
thus
 leading to
the
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apply
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scholarship
.
This
 writer believes that
this
 is a positive development
due to
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of quality. It must be understood that having more competition can positively impact
on
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apply
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students
.
This
 is especially so if the
students
 want to gain
the
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apply
show examples
scholarships from their universities, they need to
try
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try to
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 work harder and harder. As everyone
known
Wrong verb form
knows
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, the
university
 environment requires
students
 more effort, more knowledge and more
patient
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patience
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.
Therefore
 if they want to earn the
scholarship
, at least they will reach
at
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apply
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the top of
class
Add an article
the class
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 even
of
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in
show examples
 the fields. Taking Stanford as a primary example,
this
university
 is one of the dreams of everyone so many try to go there and earn
scholarship
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scholarships
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due to
 the
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high fee
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fee
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fees
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 of
this
 school to high and it creates
the
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apply
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competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
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 for everyone. Another argument worth considering is that the competition in the
university
 can have a benefit for
students
. When competing, the
students
 can gain more and more knowledge from other
students
, if they cannot find the answer
on
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in
show examples
 the body or some papers, they will ask for teachers so they can know more and have a thoughtful sight
for
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of
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this
 field.
Therefore
, the quality of learning can be improved day by day so it will create
a
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apply
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fame for
this
university
. Taking everything into account, there are more positive elements than negative ones, as there are clear benefits for individuals who can compete to gain the
scholarship
.
Moreover
, people can have a positive impact on
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of their study.
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Structure
Your essay provides a good overview of the topic, but could benefit from a clearer structure. Consider organizing your ideas more distinctly in paragraphs, each with a singular focus.
Content
Including a wider range of examples and more detailed explanations would strengthen your argument. Aim to use specific instances that clearly support your main points.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. Aim to clearly state your thesis in the introduction and succinctly summarize your main points in the conclusion.
Language Usage
Work on variety in sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement. This can also help in presenting ideas more clearly and making arguments more compelling.
Understanding of Prompt
You clearly acknowledge the positive impacts of competition within universities, which aligns with addressing the essay question.
Use of Examples
The example of Stanford University helps in supporting your main point, showing an attempt to use relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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