IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world governments are investigating in new technology to deal wih the public. Why is this happening? Do you think is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #world #governments #technology #wih #government #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently, there is a rise in new
technology
 or artificial intelligence provided for public concern by governments.
Due to
 the high
quality
 of
life
 that people want, and other factors of modern
technology
 can do without wasting energy. Definitely, the high cost is paid for new
technology
 not being so absolutely surprised. It is vital to understand that new
technology
 and modern artificial intelligence are highly used by the public and common
due to
 the requirement and
quality
 of
life
 of habitants becoming more and more competitive. There is no doubt that
technology
 or A.I devices are significantly satisfactory;
therefore
 humans want to contribute to
technology
 and A.I to become helpful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 public.
Consequently
, they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little interest in spending their time thinking about something
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and are more and more dependent on automation.
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why government pay money to improve society based on new
technology
.
However
, high
quality
 of
life
 and more and more public concern are complex issues
but
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 can be dealt with by improving more modern
technology
. It is very necessary for the public and society to increase the value of happiness from habitants.
Moreover
, improving AI or new
technology
such
 as computers for students and machines for companies and factories are the contributory factors for the public and the country.
Thus
, technological effects on humans, especially on the public are very helpful for them, they contribute to the
quality
 of
life
 and apply the requirements of habitants living there.
furthermore
, new
technology
 is able to be afforded by governments efficiently.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Try to use a more structured approach to organizing your essay with clearer paragraph division. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations.
introduction/conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion could be more defined. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your position, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position.
response clarity
To improve task achievement, ensure that your response directly addresses the prompt's questions more explicitly. Explicitly stating why governments are investing in new technology and providing a clear stance on whether it's an appropriate use of government money can enhance clarity.
examples
Incorporate more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
topic relevance
You displayed a good understanding of the importance of technology and AI in modern society, which shows relevance to the topic.
argument coherence
Your essay presents a positive viewpoint towards technological investment, which contributes to a coherent argument throughout the text.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: