IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, new
technology
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 is being invested by
governments
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 in many
countries
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 to deal with the
problems
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 in society.
This
Linking Words
 situation occurs because of the
demanding
Replace the word
demand
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in reducing
Change preposition
to reduce
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 time spent on solving
problems
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.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
 is a suitable use of government money. It must be acknowledged that high-tech
devices
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 bring a lot of benefits back to human society. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
devices
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 are being used in every
fields
Change to a singular noun
field
show examples
 to help people
on working
Wrong verb form
work
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 more effectively. Finding
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 to solve the public
also
Linking Words
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 new
technology
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too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
 the advantages that modern
devices
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 bring back to society including cutting down on the number of labourers to deal with social
problems
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the use of
technology
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 like artificial intelligence
also
Linking Words
 helps people to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 faster and more
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
. The cost of modern
technology
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 is not an affordable price so many companies and
governments
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 have to pay a fortune to own
these
Change the determiner
this technology
these technologies
show examples
technology
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. Despite the high cost
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 modern
devices
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, many
governments
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 decided to pay for
this
Linking Words
 development and it has brought back a huge income and
solve
Wrong verb form
solved
show examples
problems
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 more effectively. Take many developed
countries
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 in Europe, these
countries
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 have applied a lot of applications to manage their citizens. These applications integrate
many
Correct word choice
apply
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personal information including
ID
Correct article usage
the ID
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 card or license of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 owners.
Due to
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can find information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their citizens easily by scanning QR codes on these applications.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 writer believes that investing in new
devices
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 to deal with
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 is an appropriate use of government money because of the pros of
technology
Use synonyms
devices
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.
Due to
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, many
governments
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world are using
these
Change the determiner
this technology
these technologies
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 to manage their
countries
Use synonyms
.

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specificity
Ensure that the examples provided are precise and directly relevant to the arguments being made to enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence
Consider using a wider range of transitional phrases to improve the smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
exemplification
To better support your argument, include more diverse and explicit examples from various countries or specific technological advancements.
tone
Maintain a formal tone consistently throughout the essay; avoid using casual or colloquial expressions.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing a clear thesis statement and a concise summary.
conceptual understanding
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic with a clear argument that investing in technology is a suitable use of government funds.
topic sentences
Good use of topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
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