IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

the chart below gives information about the amount of time children spend with their parents.

the chart below gives information about the amount of time children spend with their parents.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The above bar charts
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
 the data of total
time
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 by
children
Use synonyms
 with their parents. The
illustartions
Correct your spelling
illustrations
illustration
 suggest the given information is divided
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 three categories with
time
Use synonyms
 in hours mentioned on
y-axis
Add an article
the y-axis
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graphs show
an entirely different trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
entirely different trends
an entirely different trend
show examples
 when coming to weekdays and
weekends
Use synonyms
. During weekdays, the
together
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 of parents with their
kids
Use synonyms
 is much
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 on
weekends
Use synonyms
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 higher. On
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
average
Add a comma
average,
show examples
 the mother spends almost 2 to 7 hours every day with their
children
Use synonyms
 irrespective of what day it is.
However
Linking Words
,
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 looked like the least
interacted
Replace the word
interactive
show examples
 person with the kid. Apart from that, with
Add a comma
dad,
show examples
dad
Capitalize word
Dad
show examples
 the
kids
Use synonyms
 showed
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very little leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 mom seems more close
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that on
weekends
Use synonyms
,
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 4 pm to 5
pm
Add a comma
pm,
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 are more active.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 mom looks
an
Change preposition
like an
show examples
 inevitable person in
children
Use synonyms
's life
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 during weekdays.
In contrast
Linking Words
, both mom and dad seem to be much closer to
kids
Use synonyms
 during
weekends
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, children, weekends, kids with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: