Schools should focus more on the STEM courses and less on the fine arts. Do you agree or disagree?

#schools #focus #stem #courses #arts

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Nowadays, schools have different

courses

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students

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can

enroll

Change the spelling

enrol

show examples

in and these can vary from

science

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technology

Correct word choice

and technology

show examples

to fine

arts

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. Some people believe that educational establishments should focus on

science

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and

technology

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courses

Use synonyms

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

fine

arts

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, I disagree, both STEM and fine

arts

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courses

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should have the same priority in terms of offering

courses

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students

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. We are now in a time where

science

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and

technology

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have taken over. In the

last

Linking Words

few years, there

was

Wrong verb form

has been

show examples

an increasing trend of STEM

courses

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offered by a lot

educational

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of educational

show examples

establishment

Fix the agreement mistake

establishments

show examples

This

Linking Words

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

may be

due to

Linking Words

newer forms of

technology

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published to the public.

For example

Linking Words

, in the Philippines, fine

arts

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courses

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are slowly getting less popular

due to

Linking Words

the stigma that

students

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may not have a financially rewarding job.

This

Linking Words

has negatively affected fine

arts

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courses

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, as more

students

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are inclined to

enrolling

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enroll

show examples

in STEM studies than fine

arts

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courses

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. Despite

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the negative possibility mentioned above, learning

arts

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is an integral part of a student's learning.

Firstly

Linking Words

, different fine

arts

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classes

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such

Linking Words

as music, art, or literature can be helpful in one's development as

students

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can find solace

Change preposition

show examples

any type of art they

deemed

Wrong verb form

deem

show examples

relaxing for them.

Correct your spelling

After all

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Afterall

Correct your spelling

After all

show examples

science

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classes

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can be mentally and physically draining, by having

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arts

Change the noun form

art

show examples

classes

Use synonyms

students

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can unwind.

For example

Linking Words

, during music

classes

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, singing happy songs can boost one's positive emotions.

Secondly

Linking Words

arts

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such

Linking Words

as painting or pottery can

further

Linking Words

develop fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination and creative problem-solving skills which can aid

students

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achieve better learning

outcome

Fix the agreement mistake

outcomes

show examples

. In conclusion, many

says

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say

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STEM studies should have more focus than the fine

arts

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However

Linking Words

, I believe that studying fine

arts

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is essential to one's mental health and attaining and developing multiple skills that can help in achieving better learning

outcome

Fix the agreement mistake

outcomes

show examples

Submitted by estillorericamae on Sat Apr 20 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure your essay has a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument equally before stating your opinion. This approach helps in fully addressing the prompt.

Task Achievement

Including more specific examples or evidence to back up your points could enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments. Consider incorporating studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to avoid repetition of ideas or phrases to keep the essay engaging and dynamic. Look for synonyms or different ways to express your thoughts.

Coherence and Cohesion

For a stronger conclusion, succinctly summarize your key points before reiterating your stance. This method guarantees your essay finishes on a clear, impactful note.

Task Achievement

You have a clear thesis statement that communicates your position effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

The structure of your essay overall is logical, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've done well in linking paragraphs with transitional phrases, enhancing the flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

294 words

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Schools should focus more on the STEM courses and less on the fine arts. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people regard eating meat as completely wrong. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays,people are choosing to socialise online rather than face-to-face. Is this a positive or negative development?

Why do young people are more likely to use the internet?

Some people think it is better to live in the city while others say the countryside is better. Discuss both attributes and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.