Schools should focus more on the STEM courses and less on the fine arts. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, schools have different
courses
students
can enroll
in and these can vary from Change the spelling
enrol
science
, technology
to fine Correct word choice
and technology
arts
. Some people believe that educational establishments should focus on science
and technology
courses
than
fine Rephrase
rather than
arts
. However
, I disagree, both STEM and fine arts
courses
should have the same priority in terms of offering courses
to students
.
We are now in a time where science
and technology
have taken over. In the last
few years, there was
an increasing trend of STEM Wrong verb form
has been
courses
offered by a lot educational
Change preposition
of educational
establishment
. Fix the agreement mistake
establishments
This
is
may be Unnecessary verb
apply
due to
newer forms of technology
published to the public. For example
, in the Philippines, fine arts
courses
are slowly getting less popular due to
the stigma that students
may not have a financially rewarding job.
This
has negatively affected fine arts
courses
, as more students
are inclined to enrolling
in STEM studies than fine Change the form of the verb
enroll
arts
courses
.
Despite of
the negative possibility mentioned above, learning Change preposition
apply
arts
is an integral part of a student's learning.Firstly
, different fine arts
classes
such
as music, art, or literature can be helpful in one's development as students
can find solace on
any type of art they Change preposition
in
deemed
relaxing for them. Wrong verb form
deem
Correct your spelling
After all
Afterall
, Correct your spelling
After all
science
classes
can be mentally and physically draining, by having arts
Change the noun form
art
classes
students
can unwind. For example
, during music classes
, singing happy songs can boost one's positive emotions. Secondly
, arts
such
as painting or pottery can further
develop fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination and creative problem-solving skills which can aid students
achieve better learning outcome
.
In conclusion, many Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
says
STEM studies should have more focus than the fine Change the verb form
say
arts
. However
, I believe that studying fine arts
is essential to one's mental health and attaining and developing multiple skills that can help in achieving better learning outcome
.Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
Submitted by estillorericamae on
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Task Achievement
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Coherence and Cohesion
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Task Achievement
You have a clear thesis statement that communicates your position effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay overall is logical, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done well in linking paragraphs with transitional phrases, enhancing the flow of ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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Linking words for giving examples:
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- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
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- to illustrate
- take, for example