IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

If a product is good or it meet people's needs, people will buy it. Advertising is no more than a form of entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#product #people #form #entertainment
Some
people
 opine that advertisement is no longer useful,
due to
 the
people
's demand.
However
, others state the opposite of opinion on it. For me, advertising is still very useful, and I will elaborate
it
Change preposition
on it
show examples
 in the following paragraphs. To start with, because of advertisements,
people
 know these products or services. Without doing
this
, there are many
people
 who do not realize those
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and would like to buy them.
For example
, I will not go to an English cram school
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 a language, if I do not see the promotion on TV.
Furthermore
, it is beneficial for me, because my English abilities are improving, and I can use them on my job. In order to attract the potential customers, business owners should have to do it. Another important factor is that asking celebrities to be our spokespeople is very powerful, because they have so many fans, and most of them are willing to purchase our merchandise.
For instance
, Taylor Swift has billions of fans in the world. They put a lot of money
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 attending to a single concern of her. If they give money to one of our goods,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we will have plenty of revenue.
This
 is incredible.
As a result
, we can not ignore the money we can earn from it. In a nutshell, good advertisements can draw others' attention, and
people
 will try them if they need them. On top of that, famous
people
's suggestions are good, because they are trusted by others, and they will consider doing that.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay has a clear opinion throughout, directly addressing the prompt. It's important to maintain a consistent perspective on the topic.
Language Use
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to enrich your writing. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Development and Support
Work on developing your arguments with more detailed examples and explanations. While you provided some examples, deeper analysis and more specific details would strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use cohesive devices and paragraphs more effectively to organize your ideas. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through your arguments.
Structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
Task Response
Your essay maintains a focus on the relevance and impact of advertising, closely relating to the task prompt.
Examples
You effectively used examples, like Taylor Swift's influence, to support your arguments, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

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