These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. Do you agree or disagree?
One of the most significant issues today relates to the fact that
children
spend too many hours enjoying video
games
and a majority of parents regard this
negatively. In this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I partially agree with that statement.
The main reason why I strongly believe that spending excessive time playing video
games
is disadvantageous to children
is that it weakens their physical strength. When they play video
games
instead
of playing outside, they will lose opportunities to improve their physical strength. As a result
, they will be resilient against infectious diseases and be predisposed to certain diseases.
Another justification is that spending hours in front of a TV set or a computer to play games
deter
the development of their communication skills. Since they are staring at the screen Correct subject-verb agreement
deters
while
enjoying a video
game, they do not pay attention to nonverbal communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
such
as facial expressions. Consequently
, although
they can understand short and precise commands of
their parents, they will have difficulty presuming how others feel without words.
Change preposition
from
On the other hand
, I suppose that there is one possible advantage of playing video
games
for hours. To accomplish better results, children
repeatedly train moving
their fingers more precisely. Change the verb form
to move
This
allows them to improve their hand skills, and they are likely to be proficient in performing surgeries, for example
.
In conclusion, these days, many parents worries
that their Change the verb form
worry
children
spend too much time on video
games
. I am inclined to support their anxieties from the viewpoint of the negative impacts on their health and communication skills. One positive consequence is, however
, that they will obtain elaborate hand movements.Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
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coherence cohesion
Overall structure: While your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, it could benefit from smoothing transitions between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Main points support: Although your main points are generally well-supported, providing a few more specific and diverse examples in each paragraph could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Technological aspect: In addition to hand skills, adding an example from a non-technical field will showcase a broader perspective on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your stance and sets the stage for the essay.
supported main points
Good explanation of the negative impacts of excessive video game play on physical health and communication skills.
complete response
You have provided a balanced view by mentioning the potential benefits of playing video games, which enriches the depth of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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