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Band 7.5

It student, were given tie choce between not to study and study Most of the time They would Choose not to study. Do you agree or disagree with the following Statements?

#student #tie #choce #study #time #statements
It is undeniable that
knowledge
 that students have gained from schools or universities can be used in their future careers.
Although
 some students might choose that they do not want to
study
 most of the time, others believe the more they
study
 the more
knowledge
 they will be received. In my opinion, I agree with the former and the reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached. In recent years, only pure
knowledge
 which will be used in companies will not be sufficient enough to succeed in their career paths. It needs to go
along with
 the experience that most classes in academies cannot give them, so the students should learn those things outside. When they have both things in their hands, in the future, they can utilise them to
further
 not only their careers but
also
 they can solve some problems that only
knowledge
 cannot provide them. Learning all the time, of course, comes with immense stress and if they still force themselves to
study
 more. Some learners sleep only 2-3 hours a day which is less than what they deserve and most of the research is recommended; which will directly harm their health and their emotions. As we can see on the news, children are forced by their parents to
study
 all day and night and it ends with tragedy
such
 as suicide eventually. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the idea that the student should
study
 in their academies most of the day. They need to have experience
that is
 related to what they have learnt.
Moreover
, it will give them stress that will affect their health and sense of living badly.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Task Achievement
Refine the thesis statement to clearly express your position on whether or not students should choose to study. This will strengthen your argument and make it easier for readers to understand your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Try using more varied phrases that clearly link your points and ideas.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your arguments for a more compelling essay. Real-world examples can significantly enhance your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps readers follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay reflects on important and relevant topics, like the balance between study, health, and experience. This relevance adds depth to your writing and engages the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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