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Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. While others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #celebrations #waste
Many people argue that spending
money
 on family
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
 is very essential and significant thing.
while
 others claim that it is not worth it and just
bruning
Correct your spelling
bringing
 your cash. in my view, it is
realy
Correct your spelling
really
imortant
Correct your spelling
important
 to spend
money
 and
time
 with family. on the one hand, celebrations have a
sentmintal
Correct your spelling
sentimental
 value for a lot of
famlies
Correct your spelling
families
 in the world or at least in my family
as well as
 spending
time
 with family is something
Correct pronoun usage
that make
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 you happy and
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
mood
Correct pronoun usage
your mood
show examples
.
For instance
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 recall once when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 graduated from
universty
Correct your spelling
university
 when my family
do
Verb problem
had
show examples
 a big party for me and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suprise
Correct your spelling
surprise
surprised
 me a lot because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 did not
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 about
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
. what is more,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
deiceded
Correct your spelling
decided
 in the future
i
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
when my brother
graduate
Change the verb form
graduates
show examples
 from high school
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will do the same thing for him.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
famlies
Correct your spelling
families
 are
welling
Correct your spelling
willing
show examples
 to
anything
Add a missing verb
do anything
show examples
 for their members
such
 as
money
,
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 and
time
 and all
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can to do
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
support you.
on the other hand
, some people have a different
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
 about
famlies
Correct your spelling
families
 and the kind of family
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 with. some
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 do not care about you if you die or live means nothing for
theme
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
.
For Example
, one of my
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 who
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a bad
expirence
Correct your spelling
experience
 with his dad and mom
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
willl
Correct your spelling
will
 never think about him and he
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 does not care about them either. so
celebration
Replace the word
celebrating
show examples
 with
this
 type of
famlies
Correct your spelling
family
 is just wasting
money
 and
time
.
in concloud
Correct your spelling
In Concloud
show examples
, it is
crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 to spend
money
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it is
fundemantal
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 and
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 you have to do if you were a man.
othere
Correct your spelling
Another
 thing is, maybe you will never find the
happniss
Correct your spelling
happiness
 until
Correct pronoun usage
you live
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and have fun with
Correct pronoun usage
your familes
show examples
familes
Correct your spelling
families
family
.
Submitted by fahadsalem169 on

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Writing Mechanics
It's important to proofread your essay for spelling and grammar errors, as well as ensuring that your sentences flow smoothly together. This will enhance the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Introduction & Conclusion Development
Consider developing your introduction and conclusion more fully. The introduction should clearly present your stance on the topic and the conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments without introducing new ideas.
Specific Examples
Make sure to provide clearer and more detailed examples to support your points. While your personal anecdote is effective, adding more depth to your examples and linking them directly to your argument will strengthen your essay.
Language Variety
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas. This will help make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Balanced Discussion
You've effectively discussed both views on the topic, providing a balanced argument.
Use of Personal Example
Your personal example adds a nice touch, making your argument more relatable and compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cherish
  • nurture
  • strengthen
  • bond
  • create memories
  • enjoyment
  • sense of belonging
  • reconnect
  • unite
  • traditions
  • create traditions
  • financial burden
  • priorities
  • moderation
  • budget
  • frugal
  • extravagant
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