Some people think governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people to prevent illness and disease
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that pollution of
environment
and housing Correct article usage
the environment
issues
should be concentrated on by the authorities to assist people to avoid
illness and disease. In my opinion, I fairly uphold Change preposition
in avoiding
with with
Change preposition
apply
this
idea.
Without a shadow of a doubt, the government
should focus on decreasing environmental issues
by conveying messages about the advantages of protecting environment
. By doing so, the authorities can raise Add an article
the environment
awareness
of citizens and simultaneously, they should Correct article usage
the awareness
also
organize outdoor activities for volunteers to collect wastes
in local rivers or seas. Fix the agreement mistake
waste
Hence
, that is
the solutions
for the Fix the agreement mistake
solution
government
to address environmental problems that lingers
in their country.
Change the verb form
linger
While
the actions of protecting the environment are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those of solving housing issues
are ignored. The government
should spend more time on readdress
housing problems for habitants to aid them Change the verb form
readdressing
to have
purified water and bed places. To be more specific, if the authorities do not solve housing problems for dwellers, it will make Change preposition
in having
rates
of slums in their country more dramatic. Correct article usage
the rates
For example
, in India, the wealth inequality is so alarming that the poor cannot have their own house and they have to sleep on the streets or slums. Moreover
, they cannot have ability
to cook and have to find sources of food in Change the article
the ability
recycle
bins. Change the verb form
recycling
This
is conducive to negative bacteria go
their stomach and they will be ill or even die.
In conclusion, the Verb problem
entering
government
should focus on both environmental pollution and housing issues
to aid people avoid illness and disease.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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language use
Be cautious with repeated words. For example, 'by doing so' is a phrase that could be varied with alternatives like 'thus' or 'consequently' to enhance variety in language use.
language use
For higher scores, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary. While the essay displays good use of language, employing a broader vocabulary could help to further impress.
language use
Consider varying sentence structures more. Although the essay includes complex structures, increased variety could improve readability and engage the reader more deeply.
accuracy
Pay attention to small grammatical errors or misused words, as they can slightly disrupt the flow of your arguments.
organization
The essay logically progresses from introduction to conclusion, maintaining focus on the topic throughout.
task response
You've successfully included relevant examples, like the situation in India, to support your main points.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?