IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people to prevent illness and disease

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There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that pollution of
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and housing
issues
Use synonyms
 should be concentrated on by the authorities to assist people
to avoid
Change preposition
in avoiding
show examples
 illness and disease. In my opinion, I fairly uphold
with with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, the
government
Use synonyms
 should focus on decreasing environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 by conveying messages about the advantages of protecting
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. By doing so, the authorities can raise
awareness
Correct article usage
the awareness
show examples
 of citizens and simultaneously, they should
also
Linking Words
 organize outdoor activities for volunteers to collect
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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 in local rivers or seas.
Hence
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 the
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
 for the
government
Use synonyms
 to address environmental problems that
lingers
Change the verb form
linger
show examples
 in their country.
While
Linking Words
 the actions of protecting the environment are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those of solving housing
issues
Use synonyms
 are ignored. The
government
Use synonyms
 should spend more time on
readdress
Change the verb form
readdressing
show examples
 housing problems for habitants to aid them
to have
Change preposition
in having
show examples
 purified water and bed places. To be more specific, if the authorities do not solve housing problems for dwellers, it will make
rates
Correct article usage
the rates
show examples
 of slums in their country more dramatic.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, the wealth inequality is so alarming that the poor cannot have their own house and they have to sleep on the streets or slums.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they cannot have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to cook and have to find sources of food in
recycle
Change the verb form
recycling
show examples
 bins.
This
Linking Words
 is conducive to negative bacteria
go
Verb problem
entering
show examples
 their stomach and they will be ill or even die. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should focus on both environmental pollution and housing
issues
Use synonyms
 to aid people avoid illness and disease.

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language use
Be cautious with repeated words. For example, 'by doing so' is a phrase that could be varied with alternatives like 'thus' or 'consequently' to enhance variety in language use.
language use
For higher scores, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary. While the essay displays good use of language, employing a broader vocabulary could help to further impress.
language use
Consider varying sentence structures more. Although the essay includes complex structures, increased variety could improve readability and engage the reader more deeply.
accuracy
Pay attention to small grammatical errors or misused words, as they can slightly disrupt the flow of your arguments.
organization
The essay logically progresses from introduction to conclusion, maintaining focus on the topic throughout.
task response
You've successfully included relevant examples, like the situation in India, to support your main points.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory diseases
  • heart conditions
  • incidence
  • affordable housing
  • stress
  • infectious diseases
  • preventative measures
  • cost-effective
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • comprehensive approach
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • exacerbated
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