Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, think there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, whether you turn on the television, check your phone, or read the newspaper, you are likely to come across reports of
crime
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. Some people believe that the most effective way to reduce
crime
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is by increasing prison
sentences
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for offenders. Others argue that alternative approaches may be more effective. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both perspectives with examples and present my opinion.
Firstly
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, many criminals are not deterred by the current sentencing system, as they believe they will be released within a short time.
As a result
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, they are more likely to repeat their actions.
Therefore
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, the government should impose longer
sentences
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to create fear and reduce repeat
offenses
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offences
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.
For example
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, in the UK, authorities observed that criminals were committing
crimes
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knowing they would be released within six months.
Consequently
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, the government revised the law and imposed longer
sentences
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of up to five years, which led to a decline in repeat
offenses
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offences
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. Longer prison terms can act as a strong deterrent, making criminals think twice before breaking the law. Knowing that they will not be granted bail and must serve a long sentence may discourage them from committing
crimes
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in the first place.
On the other hand
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, there are alternative methods to address
crime
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, especially in cases of minor
offenses
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offences
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. Take the example of a shoplifter who is sentenced to three months in jail. Placing
such
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an individual in the same environment as serious offenders may do more harm than good. In Japan,
for instance
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, prisoners are categorized based on the severity of their
crimes
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and are kept in separate cells.
Moreover
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, they are offered rehabilitation programs
such
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as yoga, access to books, and educational opportunities. These efforts help inmates reintegrate into society as responsible citizens once they are released.
To sum up
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,
while
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longer
sentences
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can be an effective deterrent for serious
crimes
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, it is
also
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important to consider the nature of the
offense
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offence
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. Governments should adopt a balanced approach by giving appropriate punishments based on the severity of the
crime
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,
along with
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rehabilitation programs to reduce reoffending and promote social reintegration.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states both views and your opinion, which is good. However, consider summarizing both sides more clearly in the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and your arguments are easy to follow. Use more linking words to show the relationship between ideas, such as 'however,' 'in addition,' or 'for example.'
task achievement
You have provided good examples to support your points. Make sure to explain each example a bit more to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure is clear, with an effective introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, like the UK and Japan, enhances the credibility of your argument and engages the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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