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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, students' concentration in the classroom has decreased. What are the reasons for this? What are some possible solutions?

#countries #students #concentration #classroom
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In some nations,
students
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 can not concentrate completely in the classroom and
this
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 figure is decreasing. I think the
rules
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 have changed and they do not consider studying as a valuable process and
also
Linking Words
 they have been distracted by technology.
To begin
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 with, the education system has changed over these years and the governments introduced several
rules
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 to
support
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 pupils,
such
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 as , teachers are not allowed to punish children,
as a result
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, the
students
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 do not obey the classroom
rules
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 because the power of educators have been limited and
students
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 will not face with really serious consequences.
Moreover
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, the developments in technology have brought several items, like phones and laptops, and the youth generation finds these types of equipment more interesting than school lessons so they will not focus completely and their main priority is their
media
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.
For instance
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, a significant number of game and social
media
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 users are young ones and they mentioned that spending on
media
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 is a more enjoyable activity rather than studying. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue urgent action from governments and school managers is needed because,
firstly
Linking Words
, the governments have to introduce some limitations for using phones and laptops in the school area and the
students
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 have to use them only for studying.
Additionally
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, authorities have to
support
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 their teachers and let them behave adequately to those children
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
make distractions and ban them from participating in class or other punishments. In conclusion, in my opinion, I believe these days
students
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 have several distractions
such
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 as
media
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 and they can act freely because the
rules
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support
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 their actions, to tackle
this
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 problem, we need the cooperation of communities and some laws to control the use of technology and
support
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 educators more to prevent bad habits of pupils.
Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
You have offered a clear introduction to the topic and concluded your thoughts well, which helps in guiding the reader through your essay effectively. To further improve, consider making your transitions between paragraphs smoother to enhance the essay's flow.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the question, providing reasons and solutions to the issue of decreased student concentration. Enhancing the depth and variety of your examples could strengthen your argument and offer a more comprehensive examination of the topic.
Language Use
You've effectively used a range of sentence structures and have provided a clear opinion, demonstrating good control over language.
Content Relevance
Your efforts to provide specific examples, such as the change in education system rules and the impact of technology, help in illustrating your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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