Some people think it is important to construct new buildings rather then wasting money maintaining the old ones . To what extent , do you disagree or agree with this opinion ?
Nowadays shopping has become an amusement activity and gained popularity among
people
of all ages. It has been transformed into a pleasure and recreation pursuit for many individuals.
The growing enticement of shopping, in spare time, track down to the increasing influence of social media activities and advertisements. Use synonyms
Linking Words
Also
the transformation of social culture Add a comma
Also,
more
into the Correct quantifier usage
apply
technologic
era has Replace the word
technological
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraged
people
Use synonyms
spend
more time and money Fix the infinitive
to spend
for
relaxation. Predominantly the impact of media portraying the luxury Change preposition
on
life style
and modern Correct your spelling
lifestyle
things
on television, films, theater etc. has a great impact on an individual’s life. Use synonyms
In addition
, a rapid incur of large, fancy shopping malls with lavish brands, exciting opportunities Linking Words
of
recreational activity and Change preposition
for
variety
of different Correct article usage
a variety
cuisine
, all under one roof, fascinate Fix the agreement mistake
cuisines
people
to spend their time over there. Use synonyms
People
get Use synonyms
attraction
Replace the word
attracted
for
lavish Change preposition
to
things
and feel pleasure Use synonyms
to blag
Change preposition
in blagging
into
Change preposition
about
such
items. For many individuals, it gives a sense of accomplishment to them. It’s an entertainment Linking Words
as well as
relaxation for them.
There is Linking Words
huge
impact of shopping on Add an article
a huge
the huge
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
as well as
in general. Many times Linking Words
people
continue to shop Use synonyms
Use synonyms
things
beyond their Change preposition
for things
necessity
for the same. Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
This
may have economic consequences for them as spending more money than their capacity Linking Words
led
Wrong verb form
leads
into
social and economic Change preposition
to
burden
on them. Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
On the other hand
, an Linking Words
increase
consumption of products leads to Replace the word
increased
increase
productivity, Wrong verb form
increased
hence
it increases the marketing competition among the Linking Words
producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
that
might create new job opportunities and new varieties of items in the market.
In conclusion, shopping as a leisure activity has many good effects as it Correct pronoun usage
which
provide
relaxation and entertainment but Change the verb form
provides
on the other hand
, we should not ignore the impacts of overbuying Linking Words
things
that may lead to mental stress and financial burden.Use synonyms
Submitted by drrashidahmedd on
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task achievement
Try to directly address the essay question in your introduction and conclusion to make your position clear.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of conjunctions and linking phrases to improve the flow and cohesion between ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments and make them more compelling.
task achievement
Keep a balance between discussing the positive and negative impacts to fully address the essay question.
task achievement
You've effectively outlined both the positive and negative aspects of shopping as a leisure activity.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear paragraph structure that helps to organize your ideas effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example