Fewer young people choose to work in farming. What are the reasons? Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

#people #work

In recent years, some youths have decided to return to their hometowns for many reasons

such

as avoiding the pollution in

cities

or being keen to

further

their parents' businesses.

However

, I disagree with

this

viewpoint and the ideas to support my opinion will be outlined in the following paragraphs before a conclusion is reached. After graduating, fewer young people plan to go back to their country to dodge the pollution which comes from urbanisation in major

cities

for instance

, air, noise and traffic pollution that affect their health

as well as

their emotions directly.

Furthermore

, Living in their birthplaces provides them with clean and fresh air quality,

also

less chaos compared to urban areas. Some of them

also

want to

further

their family's work that has passed through generations,

in particular

agriculture.

Additionally

, these provide them with money more than they earn in jobs in large companies in capitals.

However

, I strongly disagree with

this

idea because the growth of the population has increased in these decades. It comes with job opportunities, ease of transportation etc. Despite going back, young individuals can use the benefits in big

cities

further

their businesses in the countries by presenting them to globalised investors, convincing them to buy their products.

Moreover

, These investors always buy products in a mass with a long-term contract and it will guarantee the earnings of their family's businesses. In conclusion, there are many reasons for young individuals deciding to go back to their hometowns. We should incentivise them to work in the

cities

as they can take advantage of it which will give them a chance to proceed with their family's business in the future.

Submitted by nnatthinee on Sun Apr 21 2024

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Introduction

Your introduction could more directly address the question by stating the reasons young people avoid farming and whether they should be encouraged to pursue it. Consider explicitly mentioning the essay's stance on these points early on.

Detail Examples

Use examples more specifically related to farming to support your arguments about why young people are moving away from farming and how they could be encouraged to stay or return.

Paragraph Structure

Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs discussing different ideas for improved coherence. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main idea.

Conclusion

Your conclusion could more directly summarize the reasons discussed and your stance on whether young people should be encouraged to do farming work, reinforcing the essay's main points.

Cohesion

Consider diversifying your sentence structures and using a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the readability of your essay.

Originality

You present a unique perspective on the issue, considering both the benefits of rural life and the advantages of urban opportunities for business.

Essay Structure

You demonstrate a good attempt at structuring your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Logical Flow

There is a logical flow to your argument, making it easier for the reader to follow your reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

intrinsic preference
liberating
physical activity
chronic diseases
natural light
job satisfaction
environmental connection
monotonous
dynamic
stimulating
fulfilling career
creativity
inspire
office politics
corporate structures

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Fewer young people choose to work in farming. What are the reasons? Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The Education of young people is the main priority in countries around the world. some believe that educating adults who cannot read or write is essential for society and more funding should be made available for it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is shown that many criminals have a low level of education. Some people argue that the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prison to help them find jobs when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

As science and technology contribute most to the development of society, science students should get more financial support from government than students in other fields (eg. business, language, etc.). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.