“All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone.” To what extent do you agree with this statement?
In many countries,
government
provides Add an article
the government
education
and healthcare
without charging any money from people
in society. I somewhat agree with this
statement, nevertheless
, I will be providing my opinion in the following paragraph.
We see in our country that lots of population of newborn babies is increasing and we do not have enough healthcare
and schools to provide for every person at the same time. Thus
, it makes people
usurp in society to prevent this
kind of matter government
should have a debate with people
about it. The government
should give us free of charge so there should not be a priority case everyone
in the country should get the same teated. In my opinion, I feel that the government
can provide a healthcare
and education
centre for every citizen. because everyone
is important and every person also
needs the same conditions from the government
. This
can reduce uneducated people
and our country will more growth with equality.
On the other hand
, I have a feeling of disagree
in Replace the word
disagreement
this
case that everyone
should get free education
and healthcare
. because,
every parent wants their children to be in a better place for their life so, they are able to pay large amounts of money to give it to school or Remove the comma
apply
healthcare
which can provide them a better facilities and faster than others. Moreover
, everyone
has their own belief that the better you pay more
the better thing you will get it. It can give you a drawback reason if you are able to pay more you will get an admission to study in a better school but how can you be sure that if you are paying more and get to study here will be the best choice or will you be able to get a high salary later on. There is no guarantee for it but Correct quantifier usage
apply
people
just make their own choice to choose this
kind of thing.
In conclusion, even though you paying lots of money for education
and healthcare
there is no proof that your life will be much better than the other one. but, it just makes you feel at ease so anyway, this
matter depends on how people
are accepting and they can choose it by themself.Submitted by fonnfahh2402 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
You've touched upon various points relevant to the topic, which is great. However, to improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument to maintain clarity.
Task Achievement
Try to introduce your essay with a clearer thesis statement that outlines your viewpoint and the main arguments you will discuss. This will help readers understand your position right from the start.
Task Achievement
Using more specific examples to support your points can greatly strengthen your argument. Examples help illustrate your points more vividly, making your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs to aid in the logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved through transitional phrases and a structured outline that guides the reader through your essay.
Task Achievement
You have successfully engaged with the topic, providing arguments for both sides before stating your position. This demonstrates a thoughtful approach to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarises your viewpoint well, indicating that despite the drawbacks, you recognize the complexity of the topic and the personal nature of the decision regarding the payment for education and healthcare.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example