IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that money is the best gift to give to youngster while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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It is generally accepted that giving
money
Use synonyms
 as a present to the teen is the best gift,
while
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 some people say that it is a bad way.
This
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 essay will demonstrate both aspects of the benefits of getting
money
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 and a single object as a gift throughout the following paragraphs. On the one hand, giving
money
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 could lead them to have better financial habits in the future.
This
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 is because , at the age of around 20 years old, people need to learn how to manage their savings for the future plan.
Moreover
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, getting
money
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 from special occasions
such
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 as birthday parties, Chinese New Year, or Children's Day to the kids will be provided
such
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 a difficult task for them, whether they want to save it for later or they want to buy it
instead
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.
Furthermore
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, they will have the opportunity to learn by themselves about how to manage their expenditure.
On the other hand
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, the kids will be happier from getting a gift as a special stuff because it could make a good memorable time for them. Undoubtedly people will be more excited about unwraping a big box of presents rather than a small postcard that contains
money
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, getting an item
such
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 as special toys or other items would be a special occasion for everyone, not only young kids but
also
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 adults.
Additionally
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, it can represent how passionate the sender
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 the receiver.
For instance
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, when John buys a rare item of toys that had been out of stock for a long time for his sister, it
can be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 obvious
to see
Verb problem
apply
show examples
how much he loves his sister. In conclusion, all the reasons mentioned above provide both advantages from cash and objects. From my point of view, I would prefer to buy a single object for my friend because I want my thing to be emphasised in my friend's heart that once I got
this
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 toy for her. It can
also
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 tell how I care about what my friends like and dislike.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Aim to provide more varied sentence structures to enhance the complexity and fluency of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing logical flow.
Task Achievement
To elevate your task response score, include more detailed and specific examples that directly support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make your position clearer.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea, supported by detailed examples or explanations. This will enhance the clarity and focus of your response.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views and provides a clear personal opinion, meeting the task requirements well.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-formed, framing your essay effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You successfully used paragraphs to organize your ideas, showing good logical structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Practical gifts
  • Monetary value
  • Intrinsic value
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Material possession
  • Impersonal gift
  • Emotional attachment
  • Economic independence
  • Consumerism
  • Saving habits
  • Purchasing power
  • Thoughtful present
  • Personal development
  • Financial autonomy
  • Gift-giving culture
  • Budget management
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