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Band 5

Social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face – to – face contact in this century. Do you think the advantage of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #facebook #twitter #face #contact #century #advantage
In
this
 era, social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook are constantly overshadowing
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 conversations. From my perspective,
this
 development has more adverse effects on the public, than it's benefits.
Although
 media increases connectivity with loved ones, it
also
, makes interpersonal connections weak over
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 period of time. The main advantage of using networking websites is
there
Correct your spelling
their
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abiliity
Correct your spelling
ability
 to enhance socialization conveniently, breaking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
geographical barriers, with the help of
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
 websites.
For instance
, now a lot of international students have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to
facetime
Capitalize word
Facetime
show examples
 their parents and grandparents living in a different continent.
Consequently
, students and all individuals living in a
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
 relationship with their loved ones are less likely to feel lonely and isolated.
Therefore
, social networking through various
browers
Correct your spelling
browsers
 is a feasible option to stay connected.
On the other hand
, it is disadvantageous because these networks are overused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and they are becoming
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 sole form of interaction leading to addiction and health disorders.
For example
,
according to
a
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apply
show examples
US
research
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research,
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 approximately 50% of the population is addicted to their smart devices; and the health
concers
Correct your spelling
concerns
 are simultaneously growing. Citizens, especially
youngsers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
, stay engrossed with their phones most of the time and barely interact with peers.
Thus
, networking sites led to
loosing
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losing
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inperson
Correct your spelling
in-person
in person
 connections, in order to foster a remote life.
Thus
, in my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
 social media does more harm than benefit to the community.
Instead
 of resolving, it promotes various mental health issues amongst
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. Owing to the fact that
overusage
Correct your spelling
over usage
 of applications is inevitable, it is best to avoid these sites.
Submitted by bidingmehakjot on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all your arguments logically flow from one to the next without abrupt shifts. Linking phrases and cohesive devices can help aid this transition.
task achievement
Make sure you address all parts of the question comprehensively. You should weigh the advantages and disadvantages more evenly.
task achievement
Try to expand on and clearly explain your examples. More specific examples could enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Good job in starting with a clear stance in the introduction.
task achievement
Effective use of social media examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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