In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
There are many debates about whether
Add an article
an aging
aging
citizen has Change the spelling
ageing
negative
impact on a Add an article
a negative
country
administration. In my point of view, the benefits of Change noun form
country's
this
situation overwhelm the drawbacks. This
is because it will create more work opportunities and more equipments
will be more innovative.
First of all, there will be more chances Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
in
Change preposition
for
job
for Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
people
. There will be more nursing homes are
opened and the need Wrong verb form
will be
of
human Change preposition
for
resource
is significantly high. These kinds of Fix the agreement mistake
resources
job
do not require high Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
academic
and offer stable Fix the agreement mistake
academics
salary
so Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
this
attracts a lot of people
. For example
, as my research on various news, in
these days, the increase in other Change preposition
apply
countries
's residents come
to Japan, Germany Wrong verb form
coming
as well as
others for being
nursing care is widely known and those Unnecessary verb
apply
people
are offered a quite good condition and welfare since these countries
cannot meet the demand of human resource for the career.
Furthermore
, the
more Correct article usage
apply
equipments
will be invented depending on the rising need. Retired Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
people
will get a really comfortable life such
as massage products comfort them all day, easy
toilet facilities,...Correct word choice
and easy
Moreover
, these inventions also
bring profits for the country
when their products are exported to other countries
. For instance
, Japan is
always Verb problem
has
renown
as a Replace the word
renowned
country
of
Change preposition
with
high
ageing rate so Correct article usage
a high
that
Japanese Correct word choice
apply
people
create many items to improve Correct article usage
the elder's
elder's
life Change noun form
elder
standard
and make their Fix the agreement mistake
standards
life is
more convenient. Their items become extremely popular Wrong verb form
lives
in
around the world and Change preposition
apply
be
sold for numerous religions across continents.
Wrong verb form
are
To conclude
, even this
situation leads to some problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
such
as the lack of employees and the policy of retirement in some country
was changed to Fix the agreement mistake
countries
last
longer .However
, i
still believe that in case society has more elderly Change the capitalization
I
people
, it will not bring limitation
to governments since it creates jobs for thousands of Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
people
in not only that
Correct determiner usage
those
countries
but also
others where
do not have enough Correct word choice
that
job
for Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
citizen
and Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
the
technology is more growing up.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by trangtrnh548 on
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Introduction Enhancement
Consider providing a more detailed and explicative introduction that clearly outlines both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population before stating your opinion. This will help in creating a balanced argument that prepares the reader for what is to follow.
Conclusion Improvement
In your conclusion, try to summarize your key points more concisely and reinforce your stance clearly without introducing new information. This keeps the conclusion focused and impactful.
Paragraph Transition
To improve coherence, try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases that link ideas between paragraphs. This enhances the overall readability of your essay.
Grammar and Spelling Check
Be cautious with spelling and grammar. Minor errors can distract from your message. Consider reviewing your essay for correct usage of plurals ('equipments' should be 'equipment'), verb tenses, and other common grammatical errors.
Specific Examples
Your essay provides relevant examples that significantly support your arguments, such as the reference to the increase in people moving to countries like Japan and Germany for nursing care jobs.
Ideas Development
You've done a good job of developing clear and comprehensive ideas about how an ageing population can lead to job creation and technological innovation.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...