IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In recent years, farming practice has changed to include methods such as factory farming and the use of technology to improve crops. Some people believe these developments are necessary, while others regard them as dangerous and advocate a return to more traditional farming methods. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion

#years #practice #methods #factory #technology #crops #people #developments #advocate #points
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In today's world, there are many controversial opinions
Change preposition
on whether
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whether
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on whether
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 using modern farming methods in order to grow crops efficiently by using the development of new technologies is threatening or not. In
this
 essay, I will delve into both perspectives before showing my own perspective. On the one hand, those who are in favour of
intensive
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the intensive
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 method of farming using technology to increase the size or productivity of plants consider that it is essential and has a positive impact on the
overall
 economy of the country. To explain, today's crops and products
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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been
Verb problem
become
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 more and more abundant by adding some chemical substances,
such
 as pesticides and fertilizers, which paves the way for agricultural workers to get much more crops using less soil, water, and care.
As a result
 of
this
, compared to the past,
this
 kind of
changes
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change
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 has made
easier
Correct word choice
apply
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the agriculture sector and caused
receive
Verb problem
apply
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revenue from
this
 sector, which has a profound impact on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 financial budget of a certain country.
On the other hand
, opponents, including me, argue that it may have negative consequences on individuals' health, so they prefer conventional agricultural methods because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 reliability. Organic fruits and vegetables, which are grown by workers who do not use any artificial substances, are healthier and more reliable.
Instead
, products being grown with fertilizers are not rich in nutrients, minerals, and vitamins and may disrupt the digestive system of humans and lead to getting poisonous.
For example
, many health professionals do not recommend
to eat
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eating
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 GMO foods as they may create a health risk. In conclusion,
although
 new farming ways would offer a great advantage for the prosperity of agriculture, if these techniques continue, rich elements, which are necessary for our body, will disappear.
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Content
Work on integrating more varied examples to support your arguments. While you've touched on health impacts, considering environmental or economic examples could strengthen your case.
Balance
Try to include a more balanced view by giving equal depth to both perspectives before stating your opinion. This ensures a fair and comprehensive overview of the topic.
Grammar
Consider perfecting your grammar and punctuation for clarity. Minor errors can slightly hinder the comprehension but do not detract significantly from the overall quality of your work.
Structure
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion.
Vocabulary
Good use of topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'intensive method of farming,' 'GMO foods'), which enhances the quality of your argument.
Opinion clarity
You have clearly stated your own opinion, which is a key requirement of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • factory farming
  • global demand
  • sustainable
  • ethical implications
  • antibiotic resistance
  • genetically modified organisms (GMOs)
  • precision farming
  • crop yields
  • biodiversity loss
  • food sovereignty
  • technological advances
  • resilience
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