IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Now a days people are admiring media and sports star even though they don't set a good example. Do you think it is positive or negative development.

#people #media #sports #star #development
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Nowadays,media and
celebrities
 play a vital role in creating a brand positioning in the mind of
people
,
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 sometimes they show something
that is
 very cringe for the public. I agree with the statement that there is a lot of negative
impact
 of
such
 advertising by television or well-known
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
To begin
 with, in the current modern
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
people
 are so dependent on whatever they see in advertisements on television.
This
 thing creates a strong
impact
 on their daily routine life.
Besides
this
such
 things create an adverse
impact
 on their personal life as well.
For Example
, those
celebrities
 who are doing promotions for alcohol and beer
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not justified. Because
this
 is extremely harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the body,
Apart from
this
 it is so expensive to afford that
people
 spend a lot of money on that.
however
, there are few genuine products that are promoted by
celebrities
 and media that are very healthy,
such
 as
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritious
show examples
 food and bars.
such
 products create health
conscious
Replace the word
consciousness
show examples
 among the
people
 which has a positive
impact
 on
this
 side.
Although
,
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
impact
 is over to the positive
impact
.
for example
, children who are watching television have a strong
impact
 on whatever they are watching in their mindset. if they watch ads for weed promotion they feel like there is nothing worse than taking weed.
This
 creates a negative
impact
 on them.
To conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, negative impacts are more compared to positive, i believe
people
 should not admire
celebrities
 blindly. as
this
 scenario
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
show examples
 more adverse impacts than
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
good ones.
Submitted by asifrathod662 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to present your ideas more clearly and concisely, avoiding repetitions and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more precise examples or evidence; this helps to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Task Response
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. You've made a good attempt, but expanding on how these developments impact society more broadly could enhance your response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Working on your grammatical range and accuracy can help your essay's overall clarity and coherence. Minor errors can distract from your message.
Task Response
You've provided a clear opinion and stayed relevant to the topic throughout the essay, addressing the issue of media and celebrity influence.
Coherence & Cohesion
You used a variety of linking words to connect your ideas, contributing to the coherence of your essay.
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