Now a days people are admiring media and sports star even though they don't set a good example. Do you think it is positive or negative development.
Nowadays,media and
celebrities
play a vital role in creating a brand positioning in the mind of people
, However
sometimes they show something Add a comma
However,
that is
very cringe for the public. I agree with the statement that there is a lot of negative impact
of such
advertising by television or well-known person
.
Fix the agreement mistake
people
To begin
with, in the current modern era
Add a comma
era,
people
are so dependent on whatever they see in advertisements on television. This
thing creates a strong impact
on their daily routine life. Besides
this
such
things create an adverse impact
on their personal life as well. For Example
, those celebrities
who are doing promotions for alcohol and beer is
not justified. Because Correct subject-verb agreement
are
this
is extremely harmful for
the body, Change the preposition
to
Apart from
this
it is so expensive to afford that people
spend a lot of money on that.
however
, there are few genuine products that are promoted by celebrities
and media that are very healthy, such
as nutrition
food and bars. Replace the word
nutritious
such
products create health conscious
among the Replace the word
consciousness
people
which has a positive impact
on this
side.
Although
, negative
Add an article
the negative
impact
is over to the positive impact
. for example
, children who are watching television have a strong impact
on whatever they are watching in their mindset. if they watch ads for weed promotion they feel like there is nothing worse than taking weed. This
creates a negative impact
on them.
To conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, negative impacts are more compared to positive, i believe people
should not admire celebrities
blindly. as this
scenario contain
more adverse impacts than Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
those
good ones.Correct determiner usage
apply
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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to present your ideas more clearly and concisely, avoiding repetitions and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more precise examples or evidence; this helps to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Task Response
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. You've made a good attempt, but expanding on how these developments impact society more broadly could enhance your response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Working on your grammatical range and accuracy can help your essay's overall clarity and coherence. Minor errors can distract from your message.
Task Response
You've provided a clear opinion and stayed relevant to the topic throughout the essay, addressing the issue of media and celebrity influence.
Coherence & Cohesion
You used a variety of linking words to connect your ideas, contributing to the coherence of your essay.