People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
children
are less active in their leisure time than Use synonyms
in
many decades ago. Change preposition
apply
As a result
, many Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
lessons
must be mandatory in education. Use synonyms
However
, I am not convinced by the statement for some reasons mentioned in Linking Words
this
essay.
On the one hand, schools must add some Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
lessons
to the curriculum. The first reason is that if people are unfit or have some health problems, the government will have to spend a lot of money on medical care in the future Use synonyms
and
cause many problems for society, Correct word choice
apply
therefore
, more Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
are
participating Unnecessary verb
apply
Use synonyms
sports
now means that more people will be healthy in the future and physical activity Change preposition
in sports
also
improves Linking Words
children
's mental well-being which helps Use synonyms
children
have fun and avoid stress . Another reason is that Use synonyms
sports
help Use synonyms
children
learn discipline, Use synonyms
patient
and working with others as a team which can help Replace the word
patience
children
become more independent.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, I reckon that Linking Words
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
lessons
should not be compulsory at school. First and foremost, when Use synonyms
children
participate in Use synonyms
sports
, if they are not careful, they can suffer from serious and dangerous injuries. Use synonyms
Secondly
, to provide Linking Words
children
with a good training environment, schools need to spend a lot of money on Use synonyms
sports
facilities, Use synonyms
sports
equipment and many other things. Use synonyms
Thirdly
, playing Linking Words
sports
too much can make Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
to
lose focus on their studies. Change the verb form
apply
In addition
, engaging in Linking Words
sport
Change the noun form
sports
lessons
takes up a significant amount of valuable study time. Use synonyms
Last
but not least, some young people do not enjoy Linking Words
sports
, because they don't like physical activity or they consider it a waste of time.
In conclusion, participating in Use synonyms
sports
can bring many physical and mental benefits to Use synonyms
children
, but I think Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
lessons
should not be mandatory at school, and Use synonyms
theses
Correct your spelling
these
lessons
should be optional subjects for Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
,
so that they can feel comfortable when taking part in studying.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
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task achievement
Your essay does address the prompt and provides a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument. However, your argument that sports lessons should not be mandatory at schools could be further developed with more specific examples or evidence to improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your main points. Some ideas are repeated, and could be consolidated for a clearer, more cohesive argument. Using transitional phrases more effectively could improve the overall flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
supported main points
Most of your main points are sufficiently supported, showing that you have a good grasp of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.