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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not satisfy its citizens. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#experts #country #wealth #citizens
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Some authorities issue an opinion that, for affluent nations, increasing economic wealth
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not necessarily translate into citizens’ satisfaction. With
this
Linking Words
, I am in complete disagreement. In the first place, we cannot deny that improving the economy in a rich country would contribute to the better well-being of people, resulting in higher life quality standards. Specifically, even though
such
Linking Words
 a wealthy country has already developed well in every aspect, some infrastructure and facilities still need a multitude of revenue supports, allowing them to serve people in a better way.
For instance
Linking Words
, more investment in areas
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, education, social welfare, and environmental conservation can contribute to long-term well-being and societal progress.
Consequently
Linking Words
, national satisfaction with society and the state can be enhanced sustainably and stably. In the second place, the index of citizens’ happiness will increase if the government can put imputes into economic improvement.
Although
Linking Words
 some argue that the concept of diminishing marginal utility determines the fact that when the amount of money has already reached a top level, its function has been maximized and will not be elevated any
further
Linking Words
 rather, it may decline,
this
Linking Words
 situation may change when the whole scale is enlarged.
In other words
Linking Words
, governments can still make efforts to develop
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 economy
that is
Linking Words
 able to produce evident effects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the level of national well-being
also
Linking Words
 rises with economic development. In conclusion, even if these states have already been rich enough, it is still necessary for their authorities to take up the responsibility to enable their people to be happier by increasing financial inputs.
Submitted by Amber on

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Linguistic Range and Accuracy
Try to include more diversified vocabulary to present your arguments and examples. While your essay is already strong in articulation, a wider range of vocabulary could enhance its expressiveness further.
Task Achievement
To enrich your essay, consider integrating direct, real-world examples that can substantiate your points more vividly. Examples from recent studies, reports, or even news articles related to economic impacts on societal happiness and infrastructure could provide concrete support for your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
For even greater coherence, create transitions between paragraphs that not only summarize the content but also clearly indicate what the next part will discuss. This makes your essay flow more naturally from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
You maintained a clear and logical structure throughout your essay, making your points easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addressed the question, providing a comprehensive response to the prompt with relevant and specific reasons supporting your view.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively used introductory and concluding statements to frame your essay, creating a cohesive overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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