IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Prison is the common way most countries try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide the public a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (OPINION ESSAY)

#prison #countries #crime #education
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Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of countries resort to prison as the solution to combat
crime
Use synonyms
 but some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that education to the public is a better measure. I completely disagree with the argument because certain criminal
offense
Fix the agreement mistake
offenses
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 so severe that stricter punishment than education should be imposed and awareness regarding
crime
Use synonyms
 will not prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from doing bad things. Some criminal
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 so severe that educational
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not enough to punish the wrongdoer. In certain
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, prison is the only solution to give closure
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 victims and, or family members and to prevent harm to another member of society.
For example
Linking Words
, in
murder
Add an article
a murder
the murder
show examples
 case, justice is not properly served to the victim's family if the murderer is let loose and only
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
given
educational
Add an article
an educational
show examples
 talk on why harming
people
Use synonyms
 and ending
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
not a good deed.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 do bad things because they choose to do it and not because they don't know it is wrong. Increasing awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of doing
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
 will not have any effect on organised criminal groups because they have the exact intention
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing the
crime
Use synonyms
 and how to go around the law.
For instance
Linking Words
, drug trafficker usually has a very organised system on how to distribute their goods without being noticed by the police and they
consciuosly
Correct your spelling
consciously
 doing it on purpose,
hence
Linking Words
, education will not bring them to the good side. In
conlusions
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclusions
, some might argue that sending criminals to prison is not the only solution and
suggesting doing
Wrong verb form
suggest
show examples
 educational exposure, I strongly disagree with the suggestion because some crimes are too big to only
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 given educational talk and
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 aware of
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of doing
crime
Use synonyms
 and choose to involve in the act.
Submitted by shaz.777 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of the question are fully addressed to strengthen task achievement. Expanding on how education could or could not be a solution in more detail would enrich the response.
Task Achievement
Including specific examples to support arguments enhances both task achievement and coherence. Consider illustrating your points with more detailed scenarios or statistics where possible.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and improve readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Effective use of paragraphs to organize arguments.
Task Achievement
Clear stance throughout the essay, maintaining focus on the central argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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