art and music are considred some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that hildren should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today;s modern wordl of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school ?

Nowadays, as technology becomes advanced, people are more concerned about STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) than
art
and
music
in
school
, especially for children.
However
, there are big questions about whether
art
and
music
are still important in
this
era of technology.
Moreover
, there are some people who think children still need to learn
art
and
music
. There are some reasons why
art
and
music
are essential in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
First,
research suggests that
art
and
music
are vital for passing down our cultural traditions and histories. Meanwhile, in
this
era of globalization, maintaining our culture is important to keep our identities and keep them from extinction.
Secondly
, artistic and musical education can foster creativity and imagination. These skills are essential for adapting to the rapidly changing world. Based on the benefit of learning
art
and
music
, it has been suggested for
childreen
Correct your spelling
children
to study these subjects at
school
. In the era of artificial intelligence, there is a growing need for a balanced education.
While
STEM is crucial for logical thinking, integrating arts can help students develop both logical and creative skills.
Moreover
, studies have shown that people who have engagement with
art
and
music
can enhance their academic abilities and
emotion
Replace the word
emotional
show examples
well-being.
Therefore
, including
art
and
music
in
school
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
very important. In the end, we can conclude that
art
and
music
still play crucial parts in our daily life because these subjects help us to preserve
cultutal
Correct your spelling
cultural
heritage and enhance our creativity.
Moreover
, children should learn these subjects at
school
because it allows them to balance
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
logical thinking and creativity and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them to develop emotions.
Submitted by kucinglab on

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task achievement
Continue to develop your arguments with more specific examples and diverse perspectives to further enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engage your reader further.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses the importance of art and music in preserving cultural heritage and enhancing creativity.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, presenting a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, creating a cohesive argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Indispensability
  • Holistic development
  • Fosters
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Cultural heritage
  • Globalized
  • Cultural roots
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
  • Integrating
  • Logical and creative thinking abilities
  • Cognitive abilities
  • Curricula
  • Rounded individuals
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