IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#species #animals #risk
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There are some kinds of
animals
 that are going to be extinct. At the same time, other species are in danger of becoming extinct
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
This
 essay will discuss some reasons and possible solutions to avoid
this
 tragedy.
To begin
, one of the main reasons for
this
 problem is climate change, especially global warming. Only one or two degrees higher in the temperature of the planet can be fatal for several sorts of
animals
.
For
example
, global warming can change the cycle of life of plants and insects which are used as food for other
animals
. As an indirect result, many
animals
 can die.
Moreover
, some activities of human beings,
such
 as agriculture and industry, are very harmful to the environment and
consequently
 to
animals
. As an
example
, to increase the production of food, some farmers are deforesting natural landscapes to grow vegetables or grains. Another
example
 is the pollution caused by cars and factories that contributes to bringing some survival problems to
animals
. Solving
this
 issue is not an easy job. The first question can be faced by creating more restrictive regulations and laws. The government should assume
this
 role.
For
example
, encouraging the use of electric cars and green sources of energy,
such
 as power from the Sun, wind or the waves from oceans.
Furthermore
, universities and scientists should invest more money to develop new technologies for agriculture, avoiding the need to cut off trees to expand food production. All in all, there are some reasons for the extinction of
animals
 and many of the solutions that can be implemented. Trying to stop global warming is one of the most important actions for the next generations,
as well as
 the stimulation of sustainable and renewable kinds of energy.
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt fully. In this case, while you have identified the reasons for animal extinction, expanding on specific actions and modern examples could strengthen your argument. Additionally, offering more innovative solutions and discussing their potential impact in detail will increase your score.
Introduction/Conclusion Presence
Develop a stronger thesis statement in your introduction. A clear and direct thesis statement helps guide your essay and makes your position and argument clearer to the reader. This will enhance the effectiveness of both your introduction and your essay as a whole.
Logical Structure and Supported Main Points
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on creating stronger topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. Also, ensure that your paragraphs flow logically from one to the next by using a variety of transitional phrases. Additionally, organize your ideas logically and ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea with appropriate supporting details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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