IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
It is argued that local authorities should concentrate on reducing polluted environment and
problems
 of accommodation in order to avert
disease
 and
illness
. The writer strongly agrees with
this
 statement and believes that green space
limit
Correct subject-verb agreement
limits
show examples
 the appearance of
viruses
 and cleaned houses provide
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 place without
insects
 It is interesting to understand that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
investing in solving environmental
problems
 may lead to less area for
viruses
 ’s reproduction. It should be acknowledged that the
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 present-day
viruses
 appear, the more successful in
prevent
Change the verb form
preventing
show examples
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
.
Consequently
, the governments can support the
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
 and strengthen
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 ability
of facing
Replace the preposition
to face
show examples
 to
illness
 and
disease
. Taking
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
show examples
 pandemic, which was prevented dramatically in Viet Nam by the concentration on improving environmental pollution, as an instance .
Thus
 , it plays a crucial role in limiting the spread of
disease
 all over the world . Another point
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be considered is that puzzling out the housing
problems
 can help to create hygienic living
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 for people. It should be noted that people have a tendency to avoid lots of
illness
 by living in a
cleaned
Replace the word
clean
show examples
 accommodation.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that it is complicated to find
insects
 that can affect to immune system and cause
illness
 in others.
As a result
, it is effortless to control the health conditions of citizens .
For example
 , some projects were launched in the USA in order to support the
residence’s
Replace the word
residents’s
show examples
 accommodation to wipe out
insects
 to prevent
illness
 and
disease
 In conclusion, focusing more on
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 of
polluted
Correct article usage
a polluted
show examples
 environment can reduce
great
Correct word choice
the number
show examples
 of
viruses
 ‘s reproduction. What is more , solving housing
problems
 may lead to more hygienic
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 without
insects
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences are well-constructed and contribute to the overall argument. Some sentences could be clearer or more directly related to the main points.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples with more detail. While the examples provided are relevant, more specificity could strengthen your argument.
logical structure
Your introduction and conclusion strongly frame your argument, effectively outlining your stance and summarizing your main points.
supported main points
You've adeptly linked your main points through logical progression, aiding the reader's understanding.
complete response
Your response directly addresses the task, presenting a clear and comprehensive viewpoint throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
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