IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people believe,humen health standards is going to fail in the future.Do you agree or disagree this statement.

#people #humen #health #standards #future
Today
, some people think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 human
health
standards
 will fail in the
future
. I strongly disagree with the denoted statement.
This
 essay intends to express some reasons
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
health
standards
 will not fail in
future
? among my personal and logical
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusions
. In
today
's contemporary era, everything is growing rapidly
hence
,
health
standards
 are
also
 developing
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, it will not face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any significant issues in
Correct article usage
the coming-years
show examples
coming-years
Correct your spelling
coming years
show examples
.
In addition
,
today
 most
of
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apply
show examples
diseases
Add an article
the diseases
show examples
 have
Add an article
a vaccine
the vaccine
show examples
vaccine
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vaccines
show examples
 or some
spicific
Correct your spelling
specific
 and useful
threatment
Correct your spelling
treatment
.
For example
, in
2020s
Correct article usage
the 2020s
show examples
 COVID-19 was one of the most dangerous viruses but,
today
 it has its vaccine and
threatment
Correct your spelling
treatment
 which does not have
hazard
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hazards
show examples
 anymore. In
today
's technology era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people have access to the internet
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, in
internet
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internet,
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 there are many resources that give us free information about diet, exercise and some other
benificial
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beneficial
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 for our
health
 that can be useful if used properly. For
instnace
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instance
, there are many videos
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 about
workout
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working out
show examples
 at home that can have advantages for our
health
.
Moreover
,
today
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
averting
Verb problem
avoid
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
detrimental gases and
smokes
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smoke
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 factories there is a devise that in most
of
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apply
show examples
countries
it
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apply
show examples
is
anobligation
Correct article usage
an anobligation
show examples
 that all companies must use to filter
those
Correct determiner usage
the
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 polluted air.
To sum up
, most
of
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apply
show examples
people worry about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of
health
standards
 but
today
according to
progression
Add an article
the progression
show examples
 of technology and other mentioned factors in
this
 essay
future
 of
health
standards
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 absolutely safe.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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structure
Aim for a more structured approach by dividing your essay into clear paragraphs with specific functions, such as introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
grammar and spelling
Refine your grammar and spelling to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
vocabulary and sentence structure
Considering using a wider range of vocabulary and sentences structures to make your argument more compelling and to showcase language proficiency.
supporting examples
Continue to support your main points with specific examples, as this strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
thesis statement
You provided a clear thesis statement and took a strong stance on the issue, which is essential for a good essay.
use of examples
Your use of examples, such as the COVID-19 vaccine, effectively supports your argument that health standards are improving.
conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay and reaffirms your stance, effectively rounding off your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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