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Band 6.5

When talking about success, we often think of people who are rich or famous. In your opinion, what are the qualities that characterise a successful person? Why do you think these should be the criteria?

#success #people #qualities #characterise #person #criteria
Most
people
 think about being rich and famous to talk about successful
people
. I believe that success rhymes with honesty, respect, intelligence and altruism , so as to be taken as
models
 by other
people
. My first argument is that
people
 need
models
, especially young
people
, to identify themselves with someone and help them to choose or decide what to do or what to think.
For example
, these days first-time voters in the United States are influenced by the singer Taylor Swift. She is so famous in that country that she has the power to influence
people
's choices in politics, which is a big responsibility for her.
That is
 why celebrities should have qualities
such
 as honesty, respect, intelligence and altruism to be taken as
models
. Youngest
people
 need idols to forge their own personalities ;
Therefore
, those
models
 need to inspire respect through their actions, be fair to laws and generous to be able to give to those who are in need.
As a consequence
, It is difficult to imagine teenagers referring
themselves
Change preposition
to themselves
show examples
 as thieves, which is the case in some suburbs.
For instance
, in some French suburbs, rap music and thieves become idols and lead to gangs and prohibited substance deals. Another example of a successful French singer Bertrand Cantat who has hit to death his wife Marie Trintignant. He was sent to jail but after 10 years of detention, he was released and made another music album, which shocked some
people
 especially the family of the victim. In conclusion, whilst some
people
 think success rhymes with being rich and famous, I believe that success needs to be a synonym
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 being able to be taken as a model.
Submitted by leared on

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Structure
Try to ensure your essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, main body, and conclusion. This will enhance readability and flow.
Linking Words
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly and show the relationships between them.
Development of Ideas
Make sure to fully develop your main points. Each paragraph should explore a singular idea thoroughly, supported by examples or evidence.
Accuracy
Be cautious with spelling, punctuation, and grammar. While minor errors are considered, consistent accuracy helps to clearly communicate your ideas.
Use of Examples
You've used relevant examples to support your arguments, which is excellent for illustrating your points.
Topic Relevance
You've clearly addressed the prompt, discussing the qualities of a successful person beyond wealth and fame. This shows good task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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