You carried out an emergency maintenance on a key system and this resulted in an issue with the system Write a letter to the head of your data team. In your letter: - Provide an update on what happened - Explain what you're going to do about it - Say what you would like to him to do

#emergency #maintenance #system #head #data #team #update #re

Dear Tracy , I am writing

this

letter to inform you

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

incident that

occured

Correct your spelling

occurred

last

night around 7:30pm . By that time , I was still in the office preparing my

powerpoint

Correct your spelling

PowerPoint

for

tomorrow

Change noun form

tomorrow's

show examples

seminar , I received a telephone call from the warehouse supervisor. He mentioned the situation that there was an error in the key system because of that the alarm went off to the police department straight away whenever they tried to shut the main gate . I quickly rushed to the warehouse and had to key in my PIN and password so that we

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

close the gate for tonight .I

also

have contacted the IT department and they have promised me that they will come and fix the error

tomorrow

once they get into the office.

Tomorrow

, I am going to contact the insurance company and explain the situation

what

Correct word choice

that

show examples

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

happened

last

night . and what caused the trouble.

Moreover

, I will find out what kind of coverage we can claim from them . I am going to file an incident report at the police station after I see the insurance agent.

Therefore

tomorrow

, I will be running late for the

semiar

Correct your spelling

seminar

as I am going to have to see them first thing in the morning . I might be arriving back

Change preposition

show examples

the

headquarter

Correct subject-verb agreement

headquarters

show examples

around 1 pm in the afternoon. If I

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

make it to the seminar , I would like you to do the presentation on my behalf and send my apologies to the board of directors for my absence . You will be able to find my

powerpoint

Correct your spelling

PowerPoint

in the Seminar Folder under C Drive.

Thanks

Replace the word

Thank

show examples

you in advance. Best regards, Sandi Mya Hla

Submitted by sandimyahla13 on Mon Apr 22 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Spelling

Be mindful of typos, like 'incident that occured' instead of 'incident that occurred', and ensure correct spelling throughout.

Punctuation

Use consistent and formal punctuation, avoiding spacing before punctuation marks.

Paragraph Structure

Consider organizing the letter into paragraphs that clearly separate different sections for improved readability.

Tone

Maintain a professional tone throughout and check for informal expressions that might benefit from being more formal in a business context.

Task Response

Effectively communicates the sequence of events and plans to address the issue, showing a good understanding of the task.

Closing

The closing of the letter is well-executed, with a polite request and a clear signature that fits the formal style.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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You carried out an emergency maintenance on a key system and this resulted in an issue with the system Write a letter to the head of your data team. In your letter: - Provide an update on what happened - Explain what you're going to do about it - Say what you would like to him to do

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young while others think it is better for them to attend a kindergarten. Which do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

some people say that internet should be regulated. others are against any forms of internet censorship. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gass that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Young people often copy the behavior of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?