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Band 8

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
Several individuals believe that in order to hinder sickness and patience in society, authorities should control environment-related contaminations and household issues. I definitely agree with
this
 belief and in
this
 essay, I will explain my idea. Probably, it seems that some diseases stem from low food quality and people's wrong diet. Nowadays individuals' attitudes have changed to eat fast food and ready-made meals rather than cooking healthy meals at home.
Additionally
, the missing part of our lives is losing touch with the exercise. There is no doubt that doing sport regularly plays a significant role in physical health and body fitness.
For instance
, we witness professional athletes who rarely struggle with serious illnesses as they are doing sports on a regular basis. So, it can be concluded that governments should be focused more on encouraging people to healthy lifestyles. Most importantly, with continuous development in technology, it is inevitable that a diverse range of pollutants enter to human environment.
Due to
such
 a huge amount of contaminants, some chronic diseases appear in residents' lives.
Moreover
, by the industrialisation project which is being spread all over the world, the rate of stress among the nations is increasing sharply.
This
 situation can be controlled by governments' proper actions.
Therefore
, detailed and urgent planning is needed to prevent the stemmed negative influences.
Consequently
,
although
 some people agree that patience can be prevented by a healthy diet and doing physical activities, I am of the opinion that it is necessary for the authorities to take appropriate actions to decrease environmental and household pollution in order to make a hindrance against diseases.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Task Achievement
Expand on how reducing pollution and housing issues specifically links to preventing illness and disease, offering more direct examples or studies to strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce varied connectives and transitions to enhance the flow between ideas, ensuring a more seamless reader experience.
General
Consider revising sentences that are awkwardly phrased to improve clarity and readability.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear position throughout the response.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've constructed a good logical structure, making your main points easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively framing your essay's argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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