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Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Some would argue that
music
 attracts many
cultures
 and
people
 of different
ages
. I strongly agree with
this
 statement because
music
festivals
 are a good option to promote the
cultures
 of countries and are a great activity to enjoy with the whole family.
Music
festivals
 are an activity
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 around the world.
This
 allowed many
people
 from different places to know the culture of the country which organized the festival and
also
 to get
along with
 many other
cultures
. Scotland is well known for its folk
festivals
 where many
people
 around the world can enjoy parades, the
music
, the instruments, and the dances of
this
 fabulous nation,
also
 tasting food and a diversity of beers and other beverages. Activities for the whole family are a good option to gather
people
 of different
ages
such
 as children, teenagers, and adults, who can enjoy together
music
festivals
 that offer plays for everybody and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
share experiences of life. In Argentina, in summer, there are a lot of
festivals
 to enjoy with family. One of the most important
festivals
 is organized by the province of Mendoza and is related to the end of the grape harvest to start the wine production characteristic of
this
 place.
People
 of many
cultures
 and
ages
 enjoy the festival watching native dances and recitals that include folk
music
 and international artists' performances.
To conclude
,
music
festivals
 are one of the best options to share different
cultures
 and to gather
people
 of all
ages
, giving a sensation of union and brotherhood.
Submitted by daniruspi on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, but you might consider using linking words or phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement and that all examples directly relate to your main points.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas.
relevant specific examples
You provide specific examples from different countries which enrich your arguments.
complete response
The essay comprehensively addresses the task and provides a clear opinion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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