Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Some would argue that
music
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attracts many
cultures
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and
people
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of different
ages
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. I strongly agree with
this
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statement because
music
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festivals
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are a good option to promote the
cultures
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of countries and are a great activity to enjoy with the whole family.
Music
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festivals
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are an activity
practiced
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practised
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around the world.
This
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allowed many
people
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from different places to know the culture of the country which organized the festival and
also
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to get
along with
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many other
cultures
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. Scotland is well known for its folk
festivals
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where many
people
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around the world can enjoy parades, the
music
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, the instruments, and the dances of
this
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fabulous nation,
also
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tasting food and a diversity of beers and other beverages. Activities for the whole family are a good option to gather
people
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of different
ages
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such
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as children, teenagers, and adults, who can enjoy together
music
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festivals
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that offer plays for everybody and
to
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apply
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share experiences of life. In Argentina, in summer, there are a lot of
festivals
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to enjoy with family. One of the most important
festivals
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is organized by the province of Mendoza and is related to the end of the grape harvest to start the wine production characteristic of
this
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place.
People
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of many
cultures
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and
ages
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enjoy the festival watching native dances and recitals that include folk
music
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and international artists' performances.
To conclude
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,
music
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festivals
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are one of the best options to share different
cultures
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and to gather
people
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of all
ages
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, giving a sensation of union and brotherhood.
Submitted by daniruspi on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs, but you might consider using linking words or phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement and that all examples directly relate to your main points.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas.
relevant specific examples
You provide specific examples from different countries which enrich your arguments.
complete response
The essay comprehensively addresses the task and provides a clear opinion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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