IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think accounts for this phenomenon? •Technological improvements •Changes to education systems •Improvements to our diets Use specific details and examples in your answer. You may choose more than one cause.

#people #accounts #phenomenon #improvements #•changes #education #systems #•improvements #diets
Nowadays, the world is changing very fast. Because of
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology, education systems and new
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 of
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
diet, mankind
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
show examples
 life
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 longer now than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
According to
 the scientists, at the moment, several ideas are being put forward, which represent people living more. The reason for
this
 increase in life expectancy is reduced mortality rates, which have dropped
due to
 societal and medical developments
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Medical advancements (
such
 as the development of vaccines and the discovery of antibiotics)
Better
Correct word choice
and Better
show examples
 access to healthcare. Improvements in nutrition.
For example
, during the
coronovirus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
, many people developed their educational and medical knowledge about how to survive without
dieing
Correct your spelling
dying
.
On the other hand
, in today's world, it is difficult to live without worldly sciences,
such
 as medical and technological knowledge. Every child has been educated at school about all about them.
For instance
, chemistry and technology
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are subjects
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 how to use and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us during school times.
Submitted by hamzayevasamina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your view. It's a good start but refining your thesis statement will improve clarity.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Specific examples are key to a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each discussing a distinct idea. This will improve the essay's structure and readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a variety of linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
Task Achievement
You addressed the prompt by discussing several factors contributing to longer lifespans.
Task Achievement
The essay shows an attempt to provide examples, such as the impact of technology and education.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear overall structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: