In the last few decades there have been more and more cases of famous peoples being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media have no right privacy. To what extend do you agree?
Historically,
renowed
people have been Correct your spelling
renowned
harrased
by the media. Nowadays, some techniques have been applied in artists' lives in order to avoid being hounded by an intrusive paparazzi. Correct your spelling
harassed
harrassed
For
this
reason, many people argue that celebrities have not enjoyed their privacy. I personally agree with this
statement, and in this
essay
I explain the reasons.
To start with, many superstars have been under pressure by the media owing to their popularity. Add a comma
essay,
Besides
, cutting-edge technologic
tools have allowed worldwide access readily to personal information about famous, Replace the word
technological
hence
hundreds of followers are knowlegabled
about each specific detail. Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
knowledgable
However
, there have been negative impacts in
celebrities' Change preposition
on
lifestyle
and their Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
develop
as normal human beings. Replace the word
development
For instance
, Justin Bieber had his debut song "Baby" when he was a child, whereas
reaching their acme very soon, he lost his childhood, even dealing Correct word choice
but
against
drug addiction.
Change preposition
with
Additionaly
, well-known people do not have the possibility to spend quality Correct your spelling
Additionally
of
time with their families, mainly because they have to hide themselves and their personal information from the press. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo has argued that some leisures
activities Correct your spelling
leisure
such
as walking around a local park or having a date in a traditional restaurant have not been carried out for many years, due to
many fans want
to leverage the opportunity and take photos Wrong verb form
wanting
as well as
the press records every scene.
To sum up
, celebrities have sacrificied
their privacy because of their careers. Once they start their professions, they have to be aware that most of the time cameras and news will Correct your spelling
sacrificed
be focus
on their lives, thoughts, and feelings. Change the verb form
be focused
be focusing
Then
, some restrictions should been
created in order to guarantee their privacy.Change the verb form
be
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on
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Introduction Improvement
Consider refining your introduction to more directly address the prompt - while you've outlined a stance, making your argument clearer from the start would strengthen your essay.
Language Clarity
Try to enhance the clarity of your ideas by using simpler, more precise language. Complex wording can sometimes obscure the message you're aiming to convey.
Linking Examples to Argument
Ensure all personal examples or references to celebrities are directly linked back to your argument. This ensures that every part of your essay is working towards supporting your stance.
Spelling and Grammar
Watch for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, especially with the names of celebrities or specific terms. Accuracy here can improve the overall professionalism of your essay.
Exploring Contrasting Opinions
To solidify your arguments further, you could explore contrasting opinions more deeply before reaffirming your own stance. This would add depth to your analysis.
Task Achievement
You have provided a clear stance on the issue and supported your opinion with specific examples, which is excellent for task achievement.
Structure
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the reader's understanding.
Use of Examples
The use of specific examples, such as Justin Bieber and Cristiano Ronaldo, helps to ground your argument in reality and makes your position more persuasive.