In the last few decades there have been more and more cases of famous peoples being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media have no right privacy. To what extend do you agree?

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Historically,

renowed

Correct your spelling

renowned

people have been

harrased

Correct your spelling

harassed

harrassed

by the media. Nowadays, some techniques have been applied in artists' lives in order to avoid being hounded by an intrusive paparazzi.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, many people argue that celebrities have not enjoyed their privacy. I personally agree with

this

Linking Words

statement, and in

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I explain the reasons. To start with, many superstars have been under pressure by the media owing to their popularity.

Besides

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, cutting-edge

technologic

Replace the word

technological

show examples

tools have allowed worldwide access readily to personal information about famous,

hence

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hundreds of followers are

knowlegabled

Correct your spelling

knowledgeable

knowledgable

about each specific detail.

However

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, there have been negative impacts

Change preposition

show examples

celebrities'

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

and their

develop

Replace the word

development

show examples

as normal human beings.

For instance

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, Justin Bieber had his debut song "Baby" when he was a child,

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whereas

Correct word choice

but

show examples

reaching their acme very soon, he lost his childhood, even dealing

against

Change preposition

with

show examples

drug addiction.

Additionaly

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, well-known people do not have the possibility to spend quality

Change preposition

apply

show examples

time with their families, mainly because they have to hide themselves and their personal information from the press.

For instance

Linking Words

, Cristiano Ronaldo has argued that some

leisures

Correct your spelling

leisure

show examples

activities

such

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as walking around a local park or having a date in a traditional restaurant have not been carried out for many years,

due to

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many fans

want

Wrong verb form

wanting

show examples

to leverage the opportunity and take photos

as well as

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the press records every scene.

To sum up

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, celebrities have

sacrificied

Correct your spelling

sacrificed

their privacy because of their careers. Once they start their professions, they have to be aware that most of the time cameras and news will

be focus

Change the verb form

be focused

be focusing

show examples

on their lives, thoughts, and feelings.

Then

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, some restrictions should

been

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show examples

created in order to guarantee their privacy.

luciaagudelomottaMon Apr 22 2024

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Introduction Improvement

Consider refining your introduction to more directly address the prompt - while you've outlined a stance, making your argument clearer from the start would strengthen your essay.

Language Clarity

Try to enhance the clarity of your ideas by using simpler, more precise language. Complex wording can sometimes obscure the message you're aiming to convey.

Linking Examples to Argument

Ensure all personal examples or references to celebrities are directly linked back to your argument. This ensures that every part of your essay is working towards supporting your stance.

Spelling and Grammar

Watch for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, especially with the names of celebrities or specific terms. Accuracy here can improve the overall professionalism of your essay.

Exploring Contrasting Opinions

To solidify your arguments further, you could explore contrasting opinions more deeply before reaffirming your own stance. This would add depth to your analysis.

Task Achievement

You have provided a clear stance on the issue and supported your opinion with specific examples, which is excellent for task achievement.

Structure

The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the reader's understanding.

Use of Examples

The use of specific examples, such as Justin Bieber and Cristiano Ronaldo, helps to ground your argument in reality and makes your position more persuasive.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

celebrity scrutiny
public interest
media scrutiny
free press
mental health issues
intrusive media behavior
ethical considerations
digital age
social media proliferation
public-private boundary
consent to scrutiny
legal protections

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In the last few decades there have been more and more cases of famous peoples being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media have no right privacy. To what extend do you agree?

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many societies, cultural traditions are considered an essential part of identity and heritage. However, in the modern world, maintaining these traditions can sometimes be challenging. What are the advantages and disadvantages of maintaining cultural traditions in modern society?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?