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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graphs below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graphs below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#graphs #shops #country
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The line graph provides key information about the figure of
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed and the number of new
shops
Use synonyms
 that opened in one region from 2011 to 2018. The units are measured in numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the closing of
shops
Use synonyms
 shows a gradual increase
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
In addition
Linking Words
, the new opening chain was at its peak
then
Linking Words
 it showed a significant decrease in the end,
whereas
Linking Words
 closures increased dramatically.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,the closure
Use synonyms
shops
Change preposition
of shops
show examples
 was around 6500
shops
Use synonyms
 in 2011, in the next year it plunged to around 6000, and following to next two years it showed a gradual increase to 7000
shops
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
However
Linking Words
, it showed an insignificant decrease of nearly 500 in 2015,
then
Linking Words
 it rose up to 5200
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period In terms of the newest opening
shops
Use synonyms
 were at the top around 8500
shops
Use synonyms
 in 2011,in the next year it plunged to half,
then
Linking Words
 it fluctuated for the next 5 years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it was the lowest figure in the period about 3000 in 2015.
Submitted by zaidamrat5 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "plunged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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