Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
A group of children spend several hours in their routine on smartphones. I think the main reason is the virtual
world
is more attractive than the real world
for them and if they do not find a balance they will not be able to tackle real problems so they will remain in difficulties.
To begin
with, the most common item the youth population uses is phones and their lives bonded with this
device. Developments in technology have provided a wide variety options
for their users and Change preposition
of options
make
them able to experience virtual happiness, Wrong verb form
made
and
youngsters enjoy spending their time because they can control their Correct word choice
apply
world
completely and this
will give them a fake form of power and they get used to this
. For example
, there are a significant number of first-person games which
operators are able to follow their Change preposition
in which
patient
and act freely in Fix the agreement mistake
patients
this
world
, as graphs from game producers have revealed most of their gamers are under 17 .
In my view, all the developments in the world
can be used appropriately and also
can be used in a harmful way, as a result
, overusing mobile phones is completely disadvantageous because it will not allow teenagers to experience their real life and they will not be able to have a perspective about their surroundings so when they go through their non-virtual world
, they will be shocked. Moreover
, if they spend several hours while
using phones they can not focus on their responsibilities, such
as studying and planning for their future, and they will face unsatisfactory results and these are not beneficial consequences. For instance
, the overall
grade for secondary schools in Iran has decreased dramatically and the authorities figured out the main reason was overusing smartphones.
In conclusion, in my opinion, smartphones have spread all over the world
and all the population use them and especially children are the highest proportion among them, this
trend is completely negative because teens are not able to adapt themselves to real-life experiences, furthermore
, their grades and future will be impacted when they cannot achieve a balance for their daily use.Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the idea and concluding sentences to summarize or link to the next paragraph.
Task Achievement
In the development of your arguments, always link back to the question prompt to ensure relevance and maintain focus on the task at hand. This keeps your essay on track and demonstrates a full understanding of the requirements.
Language
Using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures can help increase sophistication in your writing. While your current range is effective, aiming for greater variety can enhance your expression and can potentially improve your score.
Task Achievement
Consider including a paragraph that explicitly discusses the potential positives of smartphone use by children, to present a more balanced view before concluding. Balancing arguments can demonstrate an ability to critically evaluate a topic.
Task Achievement
Provided clear examples and reasons to support your arguments, which helps to strengthen your position and make your essay persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively concluded your essay by reiterating your main points, which is good practice for summarizing your argument and reinforcing your stance to the reader.