Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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A group of children spend several hours in their routine on smartphones. I think the main reason is the virtual

world

Use synonyms

is more attractive than the real

world

Use synonyms

for them and if they do not find a balance they will not be able to tackle real problems so they will remain in difficulties.

To begin

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with, the most common item the youth population uses is phones and their lives bonded with

this

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device. Developments in technology have provided a wide variety

options

Change preposition

of options

show examples

for their users and

make

Wrong verb form

made

show examples

them able to experience virtual happiness,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

youngsters enjoy spending their time because they can control their

world

Use synonyms

completely and

this

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will give them a fake form of power and they get used to

this

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For example

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, there are a significant number of first-person games

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

operators are able to follow their

patient

Fix the agreement mistake

patients

show examples

and act freely in

this

Linking Words

world

Use synonyms

, as graphs from game producers have revealed most of their gamers are under 17 . In my view, all the developments in the

world

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can be used appropriately and

also

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can be used in a harmful way,

as a result

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, overusing mobile phones is completely disadvantageous because it will not allow teenagers to experience their real life and they will not be able to have a perspective about their surroundings so when they go through their non-virtual

world

Use synonyms

, they will be shocked.

Moreover

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, if they spend several hours

while

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using phones they can not focus on their responsibilities,

such

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as studying and planning for their future, and they will face unsatisfactory results and these are not beneficial consequences.

For instance

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, the

overall

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grade for secondary schools in Iran has decreased dramatically and the authorities figured out the main reason was overusing smartphones. In conclusion, in my opinion, smartphones have spread all over the

world

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and all the population use them and especially children are the highest proportion among them,

this

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trend is completely negative because teens are not able to adapt themselves to real-life experiences,

furthermore

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, their grades and future will be impacted when they cannot achieve a balance for their daily use.

soroushnorouzi0478Mon Apr 22 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure your essay has clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the idea and concluding sentences to summarize or link to the next paragraph.

Task Achievement

In the development of your arguments, always link back to the question prompt to ensure relevance and maintain focus on the task at hand. This keeps your essay on track and demonstrates a full understanding of the requirements.

Language

Using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures can help increase sophistication in your writing. While your current range is effective, aiming for greater variety can enhance your expression and can potentially improve your score.

Task Achievement

Consider including a paragraph that explicitly discusses the potential positives of smartphone use by children, to present a more balanced view before concluding. Balancing arguments can demonstrate an ability to critically evaluate a topic.

Task Achievement

Provided clear examples and reasons to support your arguments, which helps to strengthen your position and make your essay persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

You effectively concluded your essay by reiterating your main points, which is good practice for summarizing your argument and reinforcing your stance to the reader.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

349 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that planting trees in open space cities and towns is more important than building houses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been observed that in many countries not enough student are choosing to study science subjects at university. What do you think are the causes of the problem? What are the effects on society?