It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The debate over whether or not saving
money
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is essential for all walks of life has sparked considerable controversy.
While
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some assume that the elderly should be spared doing that, I vehemently believe it is equally vital for all
generations
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to invest
due to
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the reasons
this
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essay
further
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elaborates on.
To begin
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with, younger
generations
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including children and teenagers would cultivate financial skills by saving
money
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. With the knowledge imparted by their parents and other influential figures, they'd learn how to budget their
money
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wisely, ultimately improving their critical thinking and sensible resource management.
Furthermore
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, in terms of adults, the majority of them are contemplating forming a family.
Consequently
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, investing would assist them to afford the requirements for a marriage
such
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as accommodation much easier. Regarding the elderly, who are significantly prone to distinct ailments, budgeting
money
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would come to their advantage when facing health conditions, reducing their reliance on other people. To illustrate, a survey conducted in Iran demonstrated that members of families in which saving
money
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was prevalent proved to be more forward-thinking, independent, and ready to start a new family.
However
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, some may claim that older
generations
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have had a fair share of budgeting throughout their lifetime.
As a result
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, in their
last
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years, they should be free to act spontaneously and be adventurous, enjoying their lives to the utmost.
Moreover
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, they have worked sufficiently to have enough resources to rely on in case of catastrophes.
Hence
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, they should divert their focus and resources to recreational activities
such
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as travelling, ensuring they're addressing their unfulfilled desires.
For instance
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, Iranian people who are in their late 70s and have travelled a lot, often report high levels of life satisfaction. Despite some accuracy to
this
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notion, pursuing it often comes at the cost of being highly dependent on others, shattering their self-confidence;
therefore
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, the situation calls for striking a balance between expenditure and investment. In conclusion,
although
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some advocate that it will be most conducive to the elderly's happiness if they aren't cautious about their budget, I firmly believe all
generations
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should do so. In fact, by maintaining a balance between saving
money
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and squandering, they'd not only ensure a healthier mindset and fewer financial concerns but
also
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be more self-reliant.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction is clear and concise. Avoid phrases like 'this essay further elaborates on.' A more direct approach would enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect paragraphs with more evident transitional phrases to further enhance the essay’s flow.
task achievement
Ensure all your ideas are thoroughly developed. Sometimes the argument in favor of the elderly saving money could be further elaborated to clarify its importance.
task achievement
Your essay showcases a thorough understanding of the topic with strong, relevant examples, especially the Iranian survey and the travel example.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are well-supported.
coherence cohesion
The argument is well-balanced, recognizing opposing views while substantiating your stance convincingly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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