Some university students want to learn about other subject in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to study for a qualification. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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As competition grows every day, some juveniles show interest in learning additional subjects in order to get jobs easily.
Whereas
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, other individuals hold the contrary view that students should focus on studies only. Giving attention to studies
as well as
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other subjects is important and
this
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essay will explain it in detail. On the one hand, learning some extra languages and
skills
Use synonyms
could enhance productivity. These days organisations hire employees who have strong communication
skills
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and
this
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makes it crucial to retain knowledge about distinct languages.
Moreover
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, gaining those
skills
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which could be helpful to get a job in a reputed company is a major concern nowadays. So, if a student has the intention to be a self-employed worker
then
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, it is the parent's responsibility to give them proper guidance and allow them to choose subjects
accordingly
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.
On the other hand
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, schoolgoers are under stress to get high scores in school. Because few countries are just creating
such
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an environment for students that they have to be first in the school if they want to get a nice job in a renowned firm.
Consequently
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, parents start pressuring them to get the highest marks in their studies, sometimes they do not even let them play once a day.
As a result
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, they have to face uncountable physical issues
such
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as obesity, vision problems, weak immunity and so on. The government should take responsibility to change
this
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trend and spread awareness among parents that teaching their children to balance regular activities wisely is crucial.
To conclude
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, undoubtedly, study plays a primary role in the student's lives, but they should more concentrate on learning practical
skills
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like dancing, swimming, languages etcetera. These can assist them to get success in a future cut-throat era as they will start thinking productively.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your main points about the benefits of additional subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction could more clearly outline the two views before stating your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your argument for better flow.
task achievement
You've addressed both views effectively, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate for the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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