Practice 2: Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It is said that increasing the quantity of sports facilities is the best way to improve public health
while
some believe that other factors are required. In my aspect, I agree with the second notion. At first glance, a fair portion of people reckon that the sum of the devices is very crucial for one to be healthy since people tend to go to the gym these days,
besides
that, some folks have to encounter problems made turning up the dearth of enough equipment.
For instance
, sometimes the facilities are not available for everyone which may stimulate the feeling of laziness
therefore
the number of equipment
such
as balls, rackets and dumbbells should be added frequently,
furthermore
, some do not have the consciousness to sustain the machines and make them non-standard.
On the contrary
, the crowds believe that exercise is not enough to build a well-being life,
hence
, other behaviours either physical or mental have to be involved, on top of that, many activities appear when it comes to boosting happiness.
For example
, reading books is one of the popular activities amongst adults and teenagers, those who desire to relax by reading the type of books that are both interesting and informative often appreciate
this
. To illustrate more, most adolescents are fascinated by watching movies at least once a month because the movies can lessen the stress happening during studying and affect each interaction. In summary, I opine that individuals do not need to work out to be healthier, I reckon that good condition depends on doing activities that can reduce stress
thus
I obviously recommend the second idea.
Submitted by nutthan.aud on

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task achievement
To enhance your score, try to introduce more specific examples that directly relate to the effectiveness or limitations of increasing sports facilities and other measures for improving public health. Concrete examples or studies can boost the effectiveness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly. While your essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, enhancing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and smooth transitions can improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
While your personal opinion is present, elaborating on it by comparing it directly to the discussed views with more depth could sharpen task achievement. Your viewpoint could be more powerfully stated and detailed for a stronger impact.
task achievement
Your essay covers both views and ends with a clear statement of your own opinion, which is a strong aspect in aligning with the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The variety in sentence structures enriches the text, making your essay more engaging to read. Continuing to vary sentence types and lengths can further enhance your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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