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Band 5

The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both this views and give your opinion.

#internet #communication #media #people #support #development #effects
These days,it is asserted by some that
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
induce
Change the verb form
induces
show examples
 individuals to interact with each other using social media
instead
 of face-to-face communication.
While
 some contend that it can have positive consequences
such
 as
time
 efficiency ,others,including me,believe that it can result in many health concerns and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle. On the one side,there are many
people
 who claim that opting for online interaction rather than face-to-face one can have numerous benefits.They think that it can save their
time
 because when
people
 commute to somewhere to meet their friends,they can waste their
time
.
Nonetheless
,through the use of mobile phones,
people
 can communicate with each other regardless of their location.To cite an example,a person who
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to meet their friends,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 should go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere and in
this
 case,he can spoil their
time
 on
roads
Correct article usage
the roads
show examples
 because of traffic congestion.
Instead
 of
this
,he can spend quality
time
 with individuals without going to any place. On the other side,I would side with those who consider that it can have many deleterious impacts on
people
's
overall
 well-being.In my opinion,it can contribute sedentary lifestyle as it deprives
people
 of physical activities.When someone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a desire
for interacting
Change preposition
to interact
show examples
 with his relatives,mobile phones
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
show examples
 them to talk using social media and in
this
 case,they do not want to do physical activities,which can lead to
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle and in the long run,many health issues
along with
 it.
For example
,many humans utilize their phones to keep in touch with others and in
this
 case ,they do not go for a walk which deter them from physical exercises. In conclusion,
although
 many may argue that utilizing technological tools to keep in touch with others can have many advantages ,including
time
 efficiency,it seems to me that it can have many detrimental consequences on their
overall
 well-being
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve, try varying your sentence structures and including a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Also, consider adding more specific examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views and provides your opinion, which is good. To enhance your score, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and develop it fully with explanations and examples.
Structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your essay effectively.
Content
You have successfully discussed both sides of the argument and articulated your own opinion, showing a good understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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